Entropy

Chapter 1

Saturday’s date wasn’t going well. I had nothing to talk about, the only topic that sprang to mind was the amount of bad dates I’ve had lately. He was talking about his job or something. I had a job. It wasn’t fun. I noticed something was wrong, he had stopped talking. “Well?” he asked.

“Em…yes” I hazarded.

“I asked what movie you wanted to see”.

“Oh, sorry, I don’t mind really, you can pick”.

The movie was good, or maybe not; I have a habit of liking movies before giving them much taught. The villain was stupid, that I knew, he was like something out of a kid’s film; one with no motivation other than just being evil who laughed all the time, lousy in other words.

We made small talk about the movie as we walked out of the theatre and after that; silence. We said our goodbyes and I took the subway home alone.

The problem is that I don’t have many friends, in order to gain friends you need something to talk about which mostly comes from your friends, therefore to gain friends you need friends, it’s a vicious circle.

Of course I had friends they just weren’t very close friends. I tended to lurk unnoticed at the edge of conversational circles, the odd time when I did make a comment people would stare at me like I was a coffee machine that had turned itself on.

The subway’s local weirdo (everyone seems to have one) was staring at me from the other side of the train. He wore a deep green jacket covered in some sort of graffiti in a language I didn’t recognise over a multi-coloured shirt and a black bowler hat over neon green hair. But there was something more to him than what he wore, it was the way he wore it, his posture, his expression and that weird smile that would appear on his face from time to time. All and all he looked like some bizarre piece of modern art. It was unnerving.

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I spent all Sunday on the internet, looking at cats, in my pyjamas, riveting I know but it wasn’t like anyone was going to show up. I did have few good friends but it felt like they didn’t need me; they never ask me out and they seem pretty happy without me. I had tried social networks for a while but they just another way for people to give me the cold shoulder. I got bored in the end and went to bed early.

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I had therapy session with a murderous psychopath that Monday morning which (believe it or not) wasn’t fun. When I first started studying phycology I really taught I would be able to look into peoples mind’s and make a difference in their lives, but as it turns out crazy people are…well…crazy. It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure; calling them crazy. I’d like to be politically correct when it came to these people but they were freaks. I said it a few more times in my head; freaks, psychos, monsters. I smiled as I relished the freedom of taught then stopped myself before I entered the canteen.

I sat next to George; he was a filing clerk at the asylum (sorry “psychiatric hospital”). He was a really nice guy the sort you would get along with even if they didn’t speak the same language. He was the one who set me up on all the dates from the infinite network of friends people like him accumulated. We didn’t have anything in common but he has this notion that anyone vaguely nerdy was a genius. I didn’t get many compliments so this was a rare stroking of my ego.

“So how did it go?” he asked enthusiastically.

“Not well” I replied

“Oh well, I have another one lined up for you tonight anyway”

I don’t know how he does it but George has this way of interpreting everything as good news. No matter how bad it was he would shrug it off laughingly. It nearly made me jealous.

“Who is it?”

“His names Darren, we used to work together. He’s into comic books and stuff, you’ll like him.”

I had never picked up a comic book in my life.

“Sounds good” I relied “What does he work as?”

“Oh you’ll love this; he’s a science guy at the university down the road”.

“What does he study?” I asked.

“You know; science stuff” He said dismissively

I stared at him for a few moments wondering if he had actually said that. He just carried on talking.

“I told him you would meet him at that restaurant you like at nine is that okay with you?”

I felt tired and sickly. I didn’t want to go on a date and I didn’t want to go to that bloody restraint again. Still can’t miss the opportunity to date a “science guy”.

“Yeah” I said “sounds good”              

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 If there was one word I could utterly obliterate from the English language it would be quirky. People always expect me to be quirky or nerdy. I couldn’t pull off either. I was nowhere near quirky and as for nerdy… well maybe if I left my glasses on. I tried them on and looked at myself in the mirror. No not nerdy either. I took a good look at my reflection. I wasn’t ugly just a little lacklustre. My face was bland and unremarkable; even people I knew had trouble picking me out of a crowd. Old acne scars were visible under the right lighting but other than that it I looked good. I taught for a little while about dressing a little more flamboyantly but that would mean acting the part. I stuck with my old black dress.

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The thought of cancelling crossed my mind. I gazed out the train window, in a dreamlike daze. I felt tired and sick, like I was going through the same old hell again and again. Still there was always the off chance that he was a handsome intelligent man who had been searching all his life for someone with the right balance of blandness and boredom as me.

I barely noticed when he took the seat next to me not until he started talking.