Rambling

July 29 2020

So I guess this is like a sort of diary?    Im not sure. 

So todays Topic is 'Sad birthdays'

I guess even when one says they are not excited for its birthday, its not entirely true. Deep down one is hoping for a good memorable day.

So the same was for me. I wasnt hoping for a huge party, at least a small gathering with my family, like most years.   

My 19th birthday I went to NY with my best friend.  This year I planned on traveling with my best friend and my cousin but Covid-19 changed my plans a bit and it was ok because I opted to have my best friend stay with me and just have a nice evening with my fam. Always lookingbfir a positive outcome

I started working like 5 months ago and its hard because I work extra shifts (maybe I can do a topic about this on another chapter)  so I rarely see my family and friends. 

I talked with my boss and arranged my schedule for one where I work but with enough time to relax and have my friend over.  But im out of luck 😪, my friend gets sick the 27th so i want her to get better and tell her its ok, maybe next time.  

Then the 28th I realise the tropical storm is hitting the 29th, today (Yes im writing this while the wind is going wild outside.) And that my cousin works so she can't stay the day with me either. 

I begin feeling down but I dont show it. Throughout the whole day I smile and text back every birthday wishes. But as day pass by, I cant hold back.   I start crying and yea I know its not my families fault that Covid-19 is happening, that my cousin is working, that my friend got sick, that its raining to much for me to go anywhere but I guess I cried almost all night  because today I was expecting to see my whole family and just enjoy and good on about the mess we created with the melting icecream. 

I needed to have a day where I dont think "danm, my day is coming to an end and I work tomorrow". I just wanted to freeze that for a moment and feel like nothing has changed during the years. That my grandmas house is the only house where we celebrate the birthdays and where we act surprised as if we didnt know it was happening but hey! We love it!

My birthday cake is sitting at my grandmas fridge and that makes me sad.  They went through a long ass line in wallmart (specially since people who do things late must be shopping for storm supplies) and I couldnt even go there. 

I know my dad tried to make me feel better but when he told me "the cake is waiting for you, its chocolate and nutella!  I cant wait for us to eat it"  I started bawling my eyes out even more. Because i wont have another free day in like a week 😪 and I know my dad is trying hard to reward pass actions (another storie I would one day tell)

But yea... writing this makes me somewhat feel better. 

What did I learned today?  That its ok to have bad days, that the world has it weird ways of being by your side, that birthdays can be sad.  But that family is always there for you.

If you have in someway expirienced the same, you can share it with me 💕

Well, lets see what my twenties hold on from today on out 💕