Productivity Issues (New edit)

Productivity Issues

"Today is another glorious day in Desert Bluffs. This is Kevin, signing off for lunch. Remember, to look around you: Strex. Look inside you: Strex. Go to sleep: Strex. Believe in a smiling god. StrexCorp. It is everything." Promptly switching off, the radio switched to the office PA system. It told all of the smiling Strex workers it was time for lunch. As they marched to the cafeteria, James was ecstatic as he had just been awarded employee of the month. Proudly taking his place as first in the lunch line, he walked up to the food distribution unit. Suddenly, an enthusiastic announcer told the cafeteria, "Today will be the first day of the new food rationing program. Now, we know this isn't the first rationing, but we need Desert Bluffs functioning at peak efficiency. Besides, we can now spend more time at the office nurturing our beloved company. Strexcorp, it is everything. Thank you for listening to this message on this beautiful day."

The news was followed by a round of applause, James and the other workers were excited to try their new rations. The workers then resumed their lunch routine, waiting in line at the cafeteria. James walked up to the food distribution unit and found the rations. Almost gasping in disgust, which was forbidden, he found bugs, centipedes, beetles, ants, and was that a wasp? The bugs were only the first layer of the food, it looked like the bugs were eating the actual rations. I ate the dogs, horses, and I even loved the cats. But bugs?! The slimy multi-legged beasts are ... I can't even say it, not good. James fearfully thought. Forcing a shaky smile on his face, James slowly filled his plate full of the green and brown goop. For the rest of the lunch, he was sick to his stomach, barely taking a bite of the bugs and what lay underneath.

Thank god we can go back to work, he thought, relieved.

In his cubicle, James could feel his energy waning. The bug covered food was supposed to offer nutrition, but without it, he was an unproductive waste. He could already feel it, the other workers getting ahead of him. All of their accomplishments were quickly surpassing his, he was falling behind. The days were passing and he was thinning out. His already bad vision started to blur, "Stay productive, stay smiling," he murmured to himself. Donning a smile with more bone than skin, he worked a bit more. After typing, his hands swelled like balloons and then were popped back into thin sickly tendrils. His legs slowly amalgamated together from his sweat. But he would not eat the bugs, Never, thought James. He remembered what Strexcorp told him when he was rewarded employee of the month, how the food was produced. Never do it. The food is not good. The food is ... B-A-D. No, the food is good, eat it. It's made by Strexcorp. So it must be good, it must be magical, it must be wonderful. But I don't want to eat it... Don't you want to be productive? Don't you want to be a cog in the great machine that is Desert Bluffs? Eventually, he was on his last leg, literally, and there was only one thing left to do. Getting up from his small desk in row 310, he staggered to the manager's office. As he dragged himself through the clean and comfortable hallways, his numb and broken leg was staining the wet floor.

Kevin, PR manager of Strexcorp and famed radio show host. He could help anyone in a mess, even James. "Sir, I am having issues with my productivity." James weakly whispered, clumsily entering the large office and recording booth. By now, James' flowing brown locks had been reduced to wildly placed tufts of fur, his glasses were too big for his head days ago. While James lumbered in, Kevin was recording in the office. As James waited, he could see the place where magic was made. Strewn with all of Kevin's hobbies and knickknacks, it was probably the most ingenious thing James had ever seen in his life. He couldn't help but smile, even in his starved form.

"James, employee of the month, right? It's an honor to have you on the show." said Kevin, as he shook James' papery hand. "You said productivity was an issue? Say no more, I can help. I was actually just talking to our dear listeners about productivity on this sunny Desert Bluffs day."

"It's not my work ethic... It's the food. I don't... I don't like our lunches." James mumbled.

"What are you talking about, James?" Kevin replied. "Our delicious 5-star courses are practically to die for! They're prepared by our best chefs and made of our highest quality livestock. I simply don't see our lunches as a problem." Turning back to the radio, Kevin announced. "Now listeners, the weather." Swiftly turning off the radio, Kevin's tone quickly changed. "In fact, the only problem I see here is you, James. Tell me, have you ever heard the proverb of the smiling god?"

"Of course sir, I've memorized it down to the letter." replied James.

"Good," said Kevin, happily. "Just to make sure, I'll recap a bit. Our magnificent, marvelous, glorious, smiling, lord and savior can only save us if we take away that imperfect reflection of ourselves in its beautiful teeth. We at Desert Bluffs, all aspire to, what's the word, kill that imperfect self however we can. Make that reflection bleed out, bleed out...a lot. Bleed it so much, it could make Desert Bluffs an ocean. An ocean of scarlet, it's tides bringing in a new delightful wave of red each second. Can you imagine?! An ocean filled with smiling people, smiling fish, smiling everything, and in the center, our smiling god watching over all of us. The point is, today, I ask you to kill your imperfect self. But you can't, you see? Because I think our smiling god doesn't want you to bask in its warmth. You are one of those... How do I say it? One of those reflections in god's teeth, the bane of our beloved city. We must smite those reflections in the name of our smiling holy lord. You know it's generous warmth is what keeps our righteous city running.

"How can I be better? How can I help our smiling god?" asked James, desperately craving an answer.

"I don't think you get it." said Kevin mildly disappointed. "I'll give you an answer that you can understand. Right now, you're missing the motivation to serve our smiling god, I can see it in you. Motivation is like a hot blade in your heart, the more you work, the more motivated you are, the more you can feel that hot blade twisting in you. But you unfortunately don't have that blade in you, so you came to me."

"How do I become motivated?" James asked, still needing an answer, even as he was starting to gasp for air. For some reason, he could feel himself shutting down.

"That's what I like to hear," beamed Kevin. "Your first step towards motivation and salvation is someone offering to help you. Your productivity is so low you'll need help for a while. Fortunately, we in Desert Bluffs believe a positive mindset is all you need to turn your life around. All you need to do is let me help you become more productive, more motivated." said Kevin. As Kevin was going to give him an encouraging pat on the back, James fell to the floor. He was dead before Kevin even touched him. But as his thin and sickly body laid there, bleeding out, Kevin stood above him, slightly frowning but hungrily drooling from the blood. "I'm afraid James can't work at the office anymore," sighed Kevin to one of his interns. "Vanessa, we'll need someone new," Kevin sat back in his appropriately stained office chair, wiping away his drool. The office flies were already starting to gather around James' corpse tearing away at his flesh. His eyes, hollow and blank, were the only visible part of his body left.

Then, Kevin had a rare laugh, "You know, James. Instead of firing you, which I was about to do before this...accident. I can assign you to lunch duty! Since you were so concerned over food, I think you'll fit right in. Just think about it, tomorrow, you'll help feed thousands of Strexcorp workers and give them that extra boost they need to reach their full potential. Oh, and say hi to the other lunch staff for me, I haven't seen them in a while. It's odd, whenever I assign someone to lunch duty they're practically consumed by their job."

Kevin turned the radio back on, "That's the end of the weather report. Now the continuation of financial news and advice. Welcome new listeners to Desert Bluffs radio! I just had a wonderful revelation! Today, I was going to fire one of our best Strexcorp workers, James. Looking back at it, I realize how inefficient that would have been. But you know what our smiling god always says, give everyone a second chance. I gave one to James and he is happier than ever. Now you can find him in the Strexcorp cafeteria, happily feeding our workers with a wide smile. Take this lesson to heart dear viewers, always give others a second chance. Now until next time listeners, until next time.