Pretending

1.

One ring.

Why's he calling? Something must've happened. He wouldn't-

Two rings.

But he wouldn't have any connection with her family. And if something happened, Gonca would have told her. Then what?

Three rings.

Maybe it's work related? No, that wouldn't make sense. Maybe it's a prank? A test? Or an accidental dial?

Four rings.

Besides, shouldn't she have deleted his number by now?

Four point five -

She missed his voice.

She swiped the green circle dancing on her phone.

(Well, shit. Now what?)

He didn't expect her to pick up. It was almost 3am here so it should have been. . . Well, not 3am in London. He was way too drunk to calculate the time difference.

He hears her breathing on the other side and promptly forgets about any time differences or anything else really.

She didn't expect him to call her. Ever. Maybe a cursory call on birthdays or holidays? She pretends that mere thought doesn't hurt as much as it does.
All her thoughts zero in on Kerem on the other side instead.

They don't say anything.

Just listening.

It's hilarious and so heartbreakingly ironical.

It doesn't matter now.

But they are still listening.

She could've laughed at the irony if not for the weight of the silence, heavy with all the unspoken words in the world.

But he's drunk.

So, he chuckles.

"Didnnt expect youu to pick up."

-Didn't expect you to call.

"Hmmmm. Truee. I wouldnothave. Never expected it would be like this"

-Kerem, are you drunk?

She gets her answer as he ignores her question and proceeds to ramble.

"Never expected this neverrr"

-What didn't you expect?

.

.

.

She double checks if the call is still connected.

-Kerem?

"Ayşe"

"Ayşeee"

"Ayşeeeeee"

-Yes, Kerem. I'm listening. I'm here!

"Are you?"

"Nope. You're not. Here. You are . . . Ayşe where are you?"

She checked her watch, it was past 3 am there, he shouldn't be awake at this hour, let alone drunk dialing his ex. . . wife?
She paused at the thought. Ex - wife? Ex - fake wife? Old friend from company?
His rambling from other end brought her back to present.
She needed to make sure he was okay, semantics could wait.

". . . and that's how I found mother's secret stash"

-Kerem, are you listening?

"I'm always listening to you, Ayşe. I love listening to you"

She cracked a smile.

-Well, where are you? Are you outside? Is Volkan with you?

"Sooo many questions.. Sooo curious"

-Kerem!

"I will tell you but don't tell Ayşe"

Ridiculous. He was ridiculous. She loved that about him.

"I'm at my favorite place in the world! This damned couch!"

-What happened to the bed?

The moment she utters the question she wishes she could take it back. She doesn't want to know.

"Bed?"

"It just. . ."

"It just doesn't feel right."

His admission stunned her.

No, he didn't mean what she thinks he means. What she wants he means. He's just drunk. And being stupid. Saying all sorts of nonsense. He doesn't mean it.

"It's yours. . ."

She pretends she doesn't hear him.

-Kerem, go to sleep. It's really late.

She doesn't want him to go.

"Okay"

"Ayşe"

-Hmmm?

"Before you go, can you do something for me?"

-What?

"Stay"

"Just for a little while."

She continues to be useless on the other end. Her speech evaded her, her mind, her better sense of judgment everything evaded her right at that moment. She was left there with just a chipped heart and thousands of memories between them.

"Please?"

-I'm here.

-Now, lie down and go to sleep please. You need to rest.

She couldn't see him but he proceeded to lay down on the couch with the biggest grin plastered on his face.

A few minutes passed and when she was sure he was asleep, she was about to cut the call when he whispered -

"I wish you were here"

She pretends she imagines him saying that.

She cuts the call before she imagines something worse.

And if the next morning, Ayşe throws this entire incident into stuff that she should never think about. . . If Kerem wakes up with a crick in his back from sleeping on the couch and a text message showing how much he spent on his last international call and him blaming the empty bottle in front him, determined that nothing happened, well then nothing happened.

Just...

The call records say otherwise.

He called.
She listened.
He asked her to stay.
She did.

They pretend it never happened.

It's easy to delete the call records. Easier to delete the contact.

They pretend they don't know.