Forgotten Words

Define Me.

I know a girl who has issues. Not issues that are necessarily bad, but it's something from the past that has made her this way. She doesn't know how to trust, how to keep people, how to maintain her feelings, and more. It's amazing how she can see herself smiling without breaking down and crying. She amazes me.

Her favorite movie is the Perks of Being a Wallflower, and honestly, she kind of is a Wallflower. She doesn't feel like she's accepted, she just feels like she just just can't get noticed around others. When in reality, she stands out. She has friends and all, but deep down, she has that insecurity that she's not accepted, and that she can't measure up to others.

" Why do I, and everyone I love, pick people who treat us like nothing?"

I don't know. But she understands that quote deeply, in her heart and soul. She tries to not let it get in the way of her, but to her, it's just an ongoing problem. It's sad to think that she has been through so much bullshit, when she doesn't deserve it.

 It seems like the people who used to be so close to her has walked out of her life and made her spiral out of control. She keeps it cool though, as she takes deep breaths here and there, but she knows that it's hard to be alone.

One day, she met a guy, who treated her like a princess. I told her I didn't like him, he didn't seem like he was good enough for her. I kept an eye on her and I was right by her side whenever she needed me. Time went on, and he started treating her like she was nothing. Like she was trash. I told her to break up with him before he breaks up with her, but she was stubborn enough not to see how bad he was treating her. Soon enough, he broke up with her. All the pain overflowed the pain she already had, and she seemed like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. And she did.

But she kept a smile on her face, acting like nothing ever happened. And I was right there by her side in case things turned for the worse. (If it can even get worse.)

Because of those people, she can't trust. No matter how much she would like someone, she knew that they were bad and that they would leave her anyways. She can't even trust her own friend, me. 

(It's hard to trust yourself, isn't it?)

She does so great in school, laughing, smiling, getting good grades, and so on. People who wouldn't know her would think she's a generous person who knows how to stay happy. She's actually well-known around school, even though she doesn't know half of the people who know her. She knows that it's not about the quantity of people knowing her, but the quality. Only about three people have the quality in her eyes. 

And the laughing, smiling, and acting like nothing happens soon fades away when she walks home from school. It follows her home, into the depths of her mind. 

I am girl who has issues. Not issues that are necessarily bad, but it's something from the past that has made her this way. I don't know how to trust, how to keep people, how to maintain my feelings, and more. It's amazing how I can look in the mirror and see myself smiling without breaking down and crying.

I amaze myself.