fred&hermione - doing just fine on your own

chapter fifteen

two hours later

hermione's pov.

i stirred in my sleep, mumbling at the creak in my neck i have gotten from lying with my head in fred's lap. he did make a good cushion, i thought to myself, smiling softly. i lifted my head, sighing and leaning back on the sofa, rubbing my neck gently.

my coffee had sat on the small coffee table and gone cold, as had fred's. i signed again, stretching after my nap. i felt a little better, the nap had done me good, however the creak in my neck didn't make much of an improvement.

i turned my head slowly to glance at fred, who snores softly and then stirred in his sleep as well as i gently moved myself slightly away from him to get more room to stretch. he sniffled and blinked his eyes open tiredly, glancing around the room, rather disorientated, before making eye contact with me sat next to him on the sofa.

"you're up, bright-eyed and bushy-haired." he smiled, running his large hands through his messy, auburn hair.
"i think you'll find it's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, freddie." i corrected him, smiling back.
"it's a play on words, granger. you read books, shouldn't you know that?"
"perhaps not, considering that majority of my reading list are witch and wizard-based, think you'll find the literature detailing a 'play on words' is more on the muggle side of the library." i explained, shrugging my shoulders.
"well, can you read this?" fred asked, quickly tackling me from across the sofa, grabbing me and throwing me under him.

i giggled and squealed, trying to get away from him, but he pulled me back and held me underneath him, laughing. his smile was broad and cheshire-cat like, it was something else to see him so happy. i shook my head, giggling more as i tried to get out of his strong grasp, but eventually gave up.

"don't fight it, granger, no use." he chuckled, devilishly.
"i think you ought to let me go, freddie, i've done absolutely nothing with my day - all day, i've slept without any need to, it's not like watching tv is that tiring. let me go." i begged.
"but what if i want you to stay? is that too much to ask?" he pouted, pouting his bottom lip, pleading for me to stay.
"i can't, freddie. i have to shower and tidy up and-" i began.

fred reached down before i could even finish and began tickling me, i squealed and scrambled onto the floor, fred falling in tow as we both landed on the rug between the sofa and coffee table. i hit the floor with quite a thump, landing on my stomach with a pang. i felt like i'd been winded, gasping as i rolled over and stopped laughing.

following that i had gotten a bit of shock from falling, fred stopped and looked up at me worryingly. he removed his hand from under his shirt i was wearing, pulling me closer to him with his big arms.

"you alright, 'mione?" he asked, curiously.
"...yes, i'm alright. just shocked. i haven't been tickled like that in years, not since my dad and i-" i began, not realising i has resurfaced some unwanted memories on myself.

i paused, hesitating. fred just seemed to look more longingly up at me, and he made me want to lie on that floor, stay all day and never move until it was bedtime.

"you're always so hesitant to talk, 'mione. i remember when you were a little nerdy first year, you couldn't shut up. i was really surprised in second year when draco-" fred began, stopping suddenly when he realised that he'd brought up a situation on draco that i would've rather forgot about.
"you expected me to call him out, defend myself, didn't you? i wish i had of, foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach. well, that's what he was back then, anyway. but i was just a small, nerdy, 'bright-eyed and bushy-haired' second year," i explained, "and you were there to remind me of it every day," she smiled softly.
"really couldn't stand the little git giving you lip like that, he really had no right." i screwed my face up at the thought of the little, bleach blonde weasel.
"you did jump in, i remember." hermione added, softly, looking away.
"ah yes, fred weasley, saves the day," i proudly professed, chuckling.
"you always seemed to be within close distance when i was in trouble, it's a little strange. luna used to say the nargles used to send her signs of a guardian angel nearby, she said it might be her mum. i don't know."
"well, they do say i'm a gift, granger."
she slapped my chest gently, smiling and shaking her head, "perhaps."
"i wasn't there all the time, 'mione." i deepened my voice in seriousness.
she paused, leaning up on her elbows, "what do you mean?"
i shook my head, "i mean...where was i when you all were captured and held hostage at malfoy manor? i wasn't there to help then."
"you were at hogwarts, doing all you could to save the school that wouldn't be the same now if you hadn't worked so hard - you can't be everywhere at once," she justified.
"did it hurt?" i asked, not really understanding why i asked such an ignorant question.
"did what hurt?"
"you know, when- at malfoy's, the cruciatus curse. and the-" i stammered.
"it did," she broke the silence, nodding slowly and tracing her 'mudblood' scar with her pointer finger, "it was strange, like this ringing in my ears that wouldn't stop, it was so high pitched. kind of like the ones harry used to describe in third year when the dementors attacked, and it was dark. very dark. obviously it hurt, but it was kind of like a sensory overload, i couldn't feel my body so much because everything was happening inside my head. i don't know."

hermione's pov.

"...because everything was happening inside my head. i don't know."

i looked up slowly and fred seemed to be listening to me, admirably. i stifled a smile, blushing slightly.

"what?" i asked, pulling the shirt sleeve down over my scar again, i didn't need the constant reminder now that i was in a slightly better place.
"nothing," he smiled, shaking his head, "i'm beginning to think that whenever i just missed that killing curse, you'd have not been bothered at all, you've got a scarily strong mindset," he joked.

my heart sank in frustration and disappointment at the moment he said that. that i wouldn't have been bothered by his head-miss of the killing curse.

"don't say that, take that back," i huffed, shaking my head at him.
"it was a joke, 'mione." fred puffed, his eyes widening questioningly.
"it's not funny, fred. it's not like i could of just stood there and watched you take that- or miss it, and be totally unbothered. i, of all people, should know how it feels. how could i not be empathetic?" i ranted, feeling hot as i grew more annoyed at fred's brash statement.
"i was joking, granger, it's alright." he reached forward, trying to touch my arm.

i pulled away, standing up and folding my arms, in a huff with him. i shook my head, fred seemed helpless, and was nervously laughing at this point to make things seem a little less serious.

"'mione, come on," he began, starting to stand up.
"no, fred, you just don't get to say those things and think it's okay. you have no idea what i went through in the aftermath of the battle, accepting that people i hadn't got to say goodbye to were gone, and not being able to tell you or hug you or have a minute to be thankful that you were alright because other people were watching, and not being able to speak to you apart from a smile in the hallway, or a small conversation at breakfast, i had nothing. we had nothing. so yes, i was bothered, and i never got to feel bothered, so i suffered in silence pretending i was okay instead. is that enough for you now?" i ranted, angrily as tears welled in my eyes.

i walked away quickly, upset, tears rolling down my face as i left and ran upstairs to our room.

fred's pov.

well, that was a lot i thought to myself, exhaling an overwhelmed breath. i shook my head, rubbing my hair and screwing up my face, so what to do now? go after her? isolating away from the dementors with this hot-headed, bushy haired witch was going to be more than i'd bargained for.

i puffed out a breath of air, shaking my head and resting it on the back of the sofa, sighing again. i understood now when george said women were hard work, regardless of how inexperienced he was. but at least he was dealing with soft, gentle, pacifist luna lovegood - i had my hands full with hermione jean granger, for merlin's sake.

but then again, i wouldn't want it any other way.