The stone cold blue eyes of my father inhabit my haunted memories. They force out destructive waves of desire.
The desire to change me, my faults- my fucking issues.
The same faults always drive everyone away and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Do I just scream? Beg? Cry? Hurt myself like I already have?
No.
I'm left with my own thoughts because no one else listens to any thing I say.
●
Why am I not strong enough?
Because you’re pathetic.
Why can’t I just sit still without my self sabotaging thoughts?
Because you’re disgusting and hurt everyone around you.
I scream until my lungs bleed and I choke on my self hate.
I tear at my hair until my scalp is in bloody shreds.
“Why the fuck can’t I stop!”
I take my bitten nails and claw at my tired eyes.
“Why can’t I be normal?”
●
A hysterical laugh bubbles out of my chest as I sit here in ruins.
Because You'll never be anything other than
A weak, pathetic psychopath that deserves anything but love and peace.
The compulsive mess that I am will be my downfall.
And by the look of your hateful brown eyes, I couldn't fall anymore than I already have.
