Following the Stars

Chapter Seven

"I accept," Josephine said, "But my dad still has to agree."

"Good," I said, "See you tomorrow for the meeting."

Josephine frowned, "What meeting?"

"The one where we discuss this deal with the other Primes," I smiled sweetly as I unchained Bellamy and dropped the key just out of Josephine's reach, "Goodbye."

I limped straight out of the room, not looking back.

"You said they couldn't have Madi," Bellamy whispered as we left the palace, "You didn't include yourself."

"I know," I said as the door opened.

The others looked at us as we walked in. The glanced at my leg, but didn't pay it much attention since it was normal for me to get into fights.

"Where's Clarke?"

I explained to them what happened with Josephine. All few of them cried. I mean, she was their friend, leader, and family.

Sitting down in the corner, I let my thoughts take hold for a moment. The door opened, and a little girl came running in.

Madi.

It may have been hard to explain to the others, but then I realized we had to tell Madi that her adoptive mother and best friend was dead.

Letting Bellamy tell her and pull her into a hug, I just sat in the corner, not moving. But while Madi spoke to Gaia, Bellamy walked over to me.

"Don't you feel anything?" Bellamy asked, wiping tears from his eyes, "She was our friend and you don't seem affected. You are carrying on like normal, like she never died. Like she never existed at all."

But before I could answer, Madi walked over to me, "I know you're not Clarke, but you- you remind me of her and-" The girl burst into tears and hugged me.

I couldn't move for a moment, but then returned her hug, "I'm so sorry."

Gaia then took Madi upstairs to go to sleep.

"How do you do that?" Bellamy asked.

"I compartmentalize," I said, "I think about problems one at a time. Sometimes it's hard, but when there's a lot going on, I can just forget about something for long enough to deal with something else."

Bellamy frowned.

"It's like my mind is full of boxes," I said, "If I don't want to think about something, I just put it in a box and focus on another problem."

"Why?"

I stared at him in disbelief, "These people target nightbloods. I don't care if it means I seem cold-hearted, or if it leads to my own death, I won't let them hurt Madi. Clarke loved her, and I can't focus on fixing this if I'm thinking about Clarke. And if I start to think through exactly what Josephine did, I will end up murdering her."

"Fine," he muttered, "I trust you to try to fix this, but when you're ready to think about Clarke- we're always here."

I nodded.

As much as it killed me to be this cold-hearted, knowing these people wouldn't give up on me, I realized that they should. I feel pain, but after what happened with Kadian, I decided I wouldn't get that attached to anyone else.

Because if I did and I lost them, it would destroy me. I couldn't go through that pain again, so I had to keep Clarke's memory in a box. When I was ready, if I was ever ready, I would open that box.

Someday.

We walked into the meeting the next day. The bruises on my face were mostly gone, along with the cut on my shoulder, but I was still limping.

"Are you okay?" Miller whispered.

"I'm fine," I growled.

Russel smiled warmly at us, as though he didn't just murder our friend to get his daughter back, "Welcome to-"

"Save it for someone who cares," I snapped, "You murdered Clarke. I may not have killed you, but that doesn't mean everything's okay."

Simone bristled while Josephine sat there, twirling her hair.

"Alright," Russel said, "I heard your terms from Josie."

"Just to make sure you got them right," I said, "Would you like to repeat them?"

Russel nodded, "We'll help you build another radiation shield elsewhere on the planet, and then we say goodbye forever. We can never use Madi as a host. If we break the deal, you'll kill us all."

"Sounds fair to me," Josephine had mastered a bored voice.

"Deal," I said.

Russel agreed, "It's too late to go back now, but you didn't exclude yourself as a host in the deal."

"I did not," I replied.

"Alright," Josephine said, "Can I go to my room now?"

Russel nodded. Bellamy grabbed a notepad and started scribbling something down. As we all walked into the hallway, he showed Miller and I.

"What does that mean?"

"Morse code," he pointed at the different letters based on dots and dashes.

Miller and I gasped at the word. A-L-I-V-E.

Bellamy smiled with joy, "It means Clarke's alive."