Evanesce

Chapter 15

"Ayos lang ako, Van," Nabasag ang boses ko. "Nasa bahay lang ako, huwag kang mag-alala. Hindi na nakakalapit pa sa akin si Rad."

"Damn! I miss you so much, baby. Please, I hope you're not lying to me. I hope you're in a good shape right now."

Nang malaman ng magulang ko na nagkakausap na ulit kami ni Van ay agad nilang pinutol ang linya ng telepono sa kuwarto ko. Kinuha rin nila ang cellphone at ang ibang gadgets ko.

"Ang kapal ng mukha ng lalaking iyon na tawagan ka pa! My God, Aislinn! Sakit ka talaga sa ulo!"

"Anak, we're here for you. Coenraad's always here to see you but you're ignoring him. Bakit kay Van ka pa rin lumalapit? Please, you need to come out. You need to be with us again."

"Sinisira niya ang buhay niya, Arieto! She's not listening to us!"

"Matagal na pong sira ang buhay ko simula nang ipinanganak niyo ako," I managed to answer Mom that made her more furious.

Lumapat ang kamay niya sa mukha ko. My head tilted a bit because of the impact of her slap.

"How dare you?!" Dinuro ako ni Mom. Pinigilan naman siya ni Dad nang sasampalin niya ulit sana ako.

"Let's talk when you're okay," huling sabi ni Dad bago sila lumabas ng kuwarto. May mga sinasabi pa si Mom pero hindi ko na iyon nabigyan ng pansin.

My tears streamed down my cheeks the moment they shut the door. Nanghina ang tuhod ko kaya napaupo na lang ako sa sahig. For countless time again, hinayaan ko na naman ang sarili kong umiyak at malunod sa sakit.

My twenty-third birthday came along with the engagement party. Kinausap ako ni Mom kanina tungkol doon at wala na akong nagawa. They decided to do it earlier than expected. Hindi na nila pinaabot sa twenty-fifth birthday ko kung saan iyon ang napagplanuhan sa simula palang. They want the wedding to be done as soon as possible as if we're being chase by something terrible situation.

"Ang lungkot naman ng buhay mo, hija."

Tinignan ko sa salamin ang nag-aayos sa akin. Hindi ko magawang ngumiti o matigil sa pagluha kahit na ganoon. Tutal, sa tuwing may luhang pumapatak sa pisngi ko ay agad niya naman iyong pinupunasan dahil hinahayaan ko lang iyon.

"I know someday, you'll earn that happiness back again. You just need to keep moving forward no matter how hard it is."

Paano ko pa magagawa iyon kung matagal nang patay ang loob ko?

I suddenly realized that there's someone out there who has worst problems than me yet here I am, nag-ooverreact at nag-iinarte. In fact, I have everything that I needed not what I wanted in life. But problems are problems. I don't need to compare mine to anyone else because I'm also suffering and in pain. Gaano man iyon kababaw o kalalim, ang hirap pa rin and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Hindi pa nagtagal nang sunduin na ako ng mga magulang ko sa kuwarto ko.

"It's time. Avoid making mistakes that might cause an embarrassment to our family and to the Martinez' family," Mom reminded me before going out and socializing with the guests.

"Happy birthday, Aislinn!"

"Congratulations to your marriage with Mr. Martinez!"

May mga ilang bumati pero hindi ko magawang sabayan sila sa ngiti. Kung oo man, nagiging pilit at peke lang iyon kaya mas minabuti kong manahimik na lang. Matamlay ko ring tinanggap ang mga regalong hinanda nila para sa akin. Mayroon ding para sa amin ni Rad pero binalewala ko iyon. As if I'm really going to marry him for convenience.

"Coenraad's here. Talk to him, sweetheart," Dad whispered while he's still talking to someone.

Nakaramdam na naman ako ng paninikip sa dibdib ko. Sa loob ng limang taon, ngayon ko lang ulit matinong mahaharap at makakausap si Rad. I've been avoiding him for years and it was a success but I don't think I can do that today, especially that this party is also designed as our engagement party. Oh, I want to laugh at that.