Chasing Lost Dreams

Chapter 1

Deep breaths... inhale, exhale...

Crap! I'm so nervous!

Well, I have the right to be nervous! I'm freaking getting married in less than 2 hours!

"Hey Ange, relax ka lang diyan okay!", sabi ng best friend ko. She's wearing her cream-colored bridesmaid dress already, with her hair and makeup done perfectly. "You look perfect except sa expression ng mukha mo."

I looked at the mirror and stared at my reflection. Well, my face is flawless. My hair intricately made. It's just that I look like I'm going to faint any minute now.

"Marz! I don't know but I just feel like something's missing." I worriedly bit my lip. I feel like crying right now. Why do I feel like this kung kelan malapit na kong ikasal?

"Come on, don't tell me nagdadalwang isip ka? Wag ka ngang ganyan. Gusto mo bang tawagin ko si Enzo? Maybe he can calm you down."

"No! I don't want him to worry. This is nothing. Baka pre-wedding jitters lang to. Di naman ako aatras no! I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him." I looked at her intently, hoping she won't do anything stupid like calling my fiance here when I'm acting like a freaking paranoid. "Marz... can you please just leave me for a moment? I just have to collect myself. Pleassseee marz? Di ako tatakas promise!" I gave her my most charming smile.

Napapalatak ito, "What?! You want me to leave you here in this condition? Look, just relax okay? Just think about how much you love him, and that you'd make him the happiest guy in the world before the day ends."

"Yes.. yes.. but just give me a moment by myself please? Just give me 30 minutes." I asked her pleadingly.

She just sighed but gave me a defeated expression. I smiled, I know I won. "Ok Ange, baka kelangan din nila ko sa labas. I'll make sure everything's alright outside. But! I'll definitely be back in 30! Got it?" She hugged me and patted my back before walking to the door. Just when she reached the door, she looked back at me, fondness in her eyes. "Look, you're my best friend. I love you so much... and you deserve this. You deserve this happiness after everything..." she let it stop at that, gave me a faint smile then closed the door.

After everything...

I felt a little pinch in my heart when she said that.

I looked back at the mirror.

I guess I really know why I'm feeling like this, I'm just denying it. And my best friend knows it too.

After everything that's happened to me, I never thought I'd ever get married. Let alone be in love again.

When I met Enzo, it was the beginning of an end for me. He was a dear friend, supported me through hard times. When I cocooned my self with darkness and depression... he was there. I was hesitant to date him at first, syempre takot akong masaktan muli. Especially cause I know he'll never have the love he deserved from me. It's like half of my heart had died already, long buried. And that gustuhin ko mang mahalin siya ng buo, I couldn't do it.

But just look at me right now, wearing my wedding dress a few hours before my wedding. In love enough to get my self settled. At di naging madali ang daan para mapunta ako sa lugar na kinalalagyan ko ngayon.

You see, I've had my share of heartaches before. Sino bang hindi sa edad na 28? A lot of people have disappointed me, just as much as I have disappointed them. I'm not a saint, alam kong marami din naman akong taong nasaktan. I just couldn't believe na triple pala ang ibabawi sakin nun pagdating ng araw. Like seriously? It's been a long time, almost a decade actually, pero I can still feel a little bit of bitterness. I think yun ang dahilan kung bakit di ko pa rin maibigay ang puso ko ng buong-buo. I love Enzo alright, he's the only one I've ever loved after it happened. And we've been together for 2 years now. Maybe in time, my heart would be healed completely. And I want Enzo by my side when it happens.

I took a few deep breaths, and slapped my face softly.

I looked at my reflection with sheer determination on my face. "Angelica, you can do this! You deserve this! There's no backing out now, got it?!"

Para akong sira, buti na lang walang ibang nakakakita sakin. I silently laughed at myself. Crazy.

I sighed again, now with a smile on my face, habang napapailing. Now I'm feeling a little better, enough na pala ang 5 minutes. Ang drama ko naman!

I was going to reach for my phone on the dresser to text my best friend when I heard his voice...

"You should smile more, you light up the room with it."

I froze. Nagtayuan lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan.

No, no, no.... this can't be true. How can he be here?

Nakatutok lang ang mata ko sa cellphone, I was still frozen in place. I couldn't move. I'm afraid na kapag gumalaw ako, everything's just going to shatter.

"Oh, naestatwa ka na dyan." Sabi nito with a hint of a smile on his voice.

I firmly closed my eyes, still not believing. Not caring kung masira ang mascara ko. But when I felt his warm hands on my shoulder, I just couldn't stop myself from looking back at him even though my instict is telling me that it's the dumbest decision ever!

And just like that, after almost 8 years... I was seeing his face again. I was trembling slightly.

"N-Nathan?"