"why is it
that when the story ends
we begin to feel it all"
~unknwown
I don't even know why it even hurt anymore.
It's excepted.
He's not mine anymore for me to be crying over this.
But it still hurts.
How I'd do anything to just for this aching in my chest to go.
I saw him with her. They went in together and left together. It seems like something happened inside the room. I know I shouldn't be telling you this but I can't just watch you destroy yourself when he's out there destroying other girls in a different way.
The scenario of the two just keeps running in my head over and again. I clenched my eyes even tighter hoping it'd make it go away but it just got more clearer.
I wished I was dead. I'd rather die than live with this.
Babe, you need to move on. You're holding onto him and just ruining you. Look how damaged he's made you. Just look at yourself in the mirror. Look at yourself. Do you see what you were before? Do you see that sparkle of light in your eyes that you used to have? Where's your smile lines honey? Do you see how broken you look? Do you see how you let him break down every single bit of confidence you had in you? Are you actually going to let that monster break you like this?
I choked back a sob when I saw the girl standing in front of me. She's got bags under the eyes that he had once loved to look at so much. Her eyes don't hold the same mischievous glint it used to have. All they held now was pain, suffering, heartbreak. Her face was covered in the tears that she couldn't control.
I shrunk to the floor and wept.
I cried for how I wanted to be good enough, how I wanted to be beautiful, how I couldn't stop loving the man who made me like this.
I cried for how I wasn't strong enough to hate him or wish for him to feel the same pain. I cried for how much he had hurt him because he doesn't love me and I had let him because I loved him.
Be strong. You are beautiful. You are the most generous person with the most caring heart that could never hurt despite all the weight of the pain it carries. One day babe, one day he will realise what he's lost. And when that day comes, and he wants to come running back to you, I want you to just look at him and let it kill him knowing what he's lost. He'll cry then. I promise you, he'll cry because he wants you to love him again. He'll cry because of all, he lost the one thing that never let him despite everything he threw at you. He'll cry because no one can or will love him the way you do. He'll cry for all the pain he caused you. He'll cry for putting salt again and again on the wound that he created. He'll remember how you screamed so loud when it hurt at the start and he'll remember that one day where he hurt you and you just sat there with no emotions, not a single tear but just with a small smile holding all the pain back. And when that day comes, you'd realise that it wasn't you. You were everything and more. It was all him. Just be strong. You'll make it.
