The Slytherin Transfer

09: "I promise."

I can't read any further, choking back a sob and throwing the paper down in anger before crouching down to the floor and digging my hands into my hair.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit," I repeat, over and over as I replay the words. The words that she claims I said, but were never uttered from my mouth, and the words that she claims my father said that I have no doubt are true. I play them over and over in my head until it's too much and I have to stand up. I get to my feet and start running through the corridors, out the doors and onto the Hogwarts grounds. I pass the Whomping Willow, a ruthless tree that was planted in my first year. I pass the hut that the gamekeeper of Hogwarts, Rubeus Hagrid, lives in. I sprint all the way as tears fly down my cheeks and I reach the Forbidden Forest. I keep running until I can no longer see the grounds through the trees behind me, at which part I fall to the ground and begin to cry.

It's too much. All of it. Being transferred, the bullying. I thought I could take that. I thought to myself, 'hell, I've been through worse', but now with Deighton, and the Daily Prophet, and Sirius betraying me and then seeing my arm, I can't handle it all. I need a break. I need to just disappear into nothing for a day and come back to everything being normal. I don't know what normal is, but it's sure as hell not this.

I lie there on the forest floor, my crying slowly dwindling into short, shaky breaths as the sun goes down and it gets dark. I hear noises all around me. Hooves beating, something rattling, even what sounds like a deranged whisper. But I don't move from my spot. I just lie there, wrapping myself in my robes to try and protect myself from the cold. I don't care that my fingers are going numb, I just warm them up with a spell and stay where I am. I don't want to go back. Not ever again.

Eventually, I drift off, my dreams plagued with my father shouting at me and Richard Deighton's hands roaming my body. It's full of Mulciber's sick drawings and Rita Skeeter's fake smile. It's littered with everything that has haunted me in these last few days, and if it wasn't my reality, I would wonder what kind of sick monster would come up with a nightmare like this.

Finally, after what feels like hours of not really sleeping and just shifting around, jumping slightly when I hear a noise that snaps me out of my daze, I wake up to birds chirping. I check my watch, seeing that it's five in the morning, and I missed dinner and curfew and everything last night. People are probably wondering where I am.

I get to my feet as light trickles through the breaks in the trees above me, twigs snapping under my shoes. The realization that teachers are probably looking for me hits me, and I swear under my breath, staggering in the direction of the forest I'm pretty sure I came from. Eventually, I reach the grounds, and I trudge up to the school as the sun rises over the trees behind me, casting shadows on the dewy grass and a warm glow on the castle.

The corridors are luckily empty, and I make it easily to the Fat Lady, waking her up to give her the password and likely making her hate me even more than she already does.

I tiptoe into the Common Room, which still has a few glowing embers in the fire, and a couple people asleep in random spots.

"Well look who isn't dead. I guess I owe Prongs five bucks."

I turn to the left, where Sirius leans against the wall, a blank expression hiding anger that I know he feels towards me. I glance at him and roll my eyes, striding across the room in the direction of the dormitories.

"No," he says firmly, stopping me in my tracks and tugging on the wrist of what he now knows is my uninjured hand, "You're talking to me whether you want to or not."

He leads me to the couch, waking up some second year and telling him to go to bed so we can sit down. I sigh, honestly too exhausted to be angry. I guess I should give him some sort of explanation, even if he outed me in front of the breakfast table.

"Look, Cassidy. I'm sorry I told everyone about what happened, I just got angry and it slipped and it was horrible of me, okay?" I sit cross legged to face him, and he pulls his knees up to balance his forearms on them, "Can you forgive me?"

I stare at him before sighing, "Yeah, fine."

He looks relieved, and smiles despite himself. I can't help but smile too as he runs a hand through his hair and I can really see how exhausted he is.

"Hold on," I say, "Have you even slept?"

He shakes his head.

"Oh my god." I grin, then using a baby voice, "You were worried about me."

"Shut up," he says as I laugh at his embarrassed expression, "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."

"And I'm trying to avoid it," I say, still smiling as he rolls his eyes.

"I need to know who did that to you, Cass."

My smile falls, and I turn my gaze to my hands, not wanting to tell him my pathetic sob story. I barely know this guy and already he knows more about me than any of my other friends. And despite how scary that is, I find that maybe I trust him. Even after what he did, I know he cares about me.

I lift my gaze back to his worried eyes and sigh, "It's no one that goes here, so you don't have to worry about getting revenge or whatever."

His gaze softens, and his voice is barely a whisper as he speaks, "Cassidy, did your dad carve that into your arm?"

I scan his expression, but my hesitation is answer enough, and an exhale escapes his lips as he leans back and runs a hand down his face.

"I'm so sorry," he says, and I think I can hear real remorse in his voice before he sits back up and peers at me, "When you came on the train and you were all beaten up? You didn't get mugged, did you."

It's not a question, and I wouldn't have answered it if it was. My secret is out, and I don't know what to do.

"Sirius, you can't tell another soul," I say softly, "Not even if you're angry. Promise me you won't."

The sorrow that's in his eyes is almost too much for me to bear, but I hold his gaze until he answers.

"Okay. I promise." He seems reluctant, and I sigh, taking his hands and standing up before stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his waist. He acts surprised, but then he melts into my embrace, resting his chin on my head and holding me tighter than anyone has in my entire life.

"You should get some sleep," I whisper, and he laughs quietly.

"You're one to talk." We pull away and he looks down at me, "Where have you even been all night?"

I bite my lip and shrug, "I slept in the forest."

"Wha—the Forbidden Forest?" He asks incredulously.

"Oh, it's forbidden?" I ask, "No one told me that."

He shakes his head in disbelief, "Cassidy, there's some dangerous shit out there, you could've died."

I wave him off, "I was fine. I slept like a baby."

He laughs and I smile at him, sitting down on the couch as he gazes at me in wonder, as if he's really seeing me for the first time. A small smirk appears on his features, and I see how his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles. It distracts me for a second, before he runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head again.

"You're something else entirely, Milton."