BABY JEE | A REAL LIFE STORY

02

"Ry!" I called out to our friend, my voice filled with warmth. I was excited to see her in the campus. Ate Mara had introduced us, and as time passed, our bond grew stronger. Ry's personality was infectious; she was a true pal.

How I wished I was able to keep this person too.

"Ang ingay mo girl," she told me, her voice laced with playful annoyance. I laughed, the sound mingling with hers.

"Punta ka ng dorm nag luto ako ng pesto pasta." Ry lived in a different place not far from our dorm, but we were planning to move into a bigger place altogether with the rest of the dorm peeps. The thought of living under one roof excited me, filling my heart with a hopeful warmth.

"Sige, iinom ba?" And we had this habit of drinking together. The taste and feeling of alcohol excited me and the rest of us. We played games until one of us passed out, and most of the time, that person was me.

I never told them I disliked the taste of alcohol and that I had allergies to it. But it was fun, and with them, I never hesitated.

"Ano ba 'yan talo nanaman ako." My face crumpled in mock frustration. We were playing Monopoly, and Ry was winning. She was good at board games, but I didn't want to lose. "Scrabble nalang tayo or memory game," I suggested, trying to bribe them with my best pleading eyes.

"Gusto mo lang manalo eh," Kuya Jimmy said, laughing. I laughed with him and nodded.

"Shot mo na Ry." Kuya Miah handed a shot to Ry. He was our alcohol mentor. He and Ate Mara had the highest alcohol tolerance of anyone I knew. I had never met someone stronger than them when it came to drinking.

"Halika rito..." We sang, our voices blending harmoniously in the small, cozy room. It was our jam. Kuya Miah wasn't only good at drinking; he was also a talented musician. His fingers danced across the guitar strings with ease, producing melodies that resonated. The couple, Kuya Miah and Ate Mara, were truly admirable. Despite their rough past, they had opened up their world to me, welcoming me into their circle with open arms.

"Iwan nating silang lahat.." We continued.

As the music played, I looked around at my friends, each lost in their own thoughts yet united in this shared moment. My eyes settled on Paul, who was singing along with a rare smile on his face. He was present now, a stark contrast to the times when he seemed so distant, both physically and emotionally. Paul and I had a past, a brief and intense connection that ultimately fizzled out. It was nothing serious, just a chapter in our lives that had closed.

All of us had moved on, and I wished him a good life now. He was planning to move out of the dorm, and I thought this moment, surrounded by friends and music, was the best closure we could give to each other. We were both doing okay now. My heart felt lighter, happy even, as I soaked in the warmth of the people around me. I was satisfied with what I had now, a sense of contentment washing over me.

How I wished I had stopped loving romantically from then on. I should've stopped.

We all sang while Kuya Miah strummed his guitar again, the familiar chords filling the room with a sense of comfort. After playing Monopoly, we finally switched to the game I had wanted. They were giving me a chance to win so I could sleep peacefully, a gesture that warmed my heart.

I knew then for sure that I wanted to play not because I wanted to win, but because it was fun playing with them.

It was fun spending time with these people who had become so dear to me. I looked up to them, and they were the people inside the place I once called home. They were family.

If only they knew how much I treasured the memories I had with them. It was the first time I felt I had a place I could call home, the first time I could sleep at night without the screams of adults fighting, without having to carry the burdens of my past. And knowing how much they had judged me without reaching out breaks me.

I looked around the room, the warm light casting soft shadows on our faces. Kuya Jimmy was laughing, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he made another clever move in the game. Ate Mara was sitting close to Kuya Miah, her head resting on his shoulder as he played the guitar. Ry was being teased by everyone, our booming laughter filling the room. The atmosphere was light and joyous, a stark contrast to the heaviness I often carried within.

Ate Mara was suddenly scrolling through her phone, her fingers moving swiftly as she asked Kuya Jeremiah about his mom's Fb post. She was describing how cute their family picture was, her voice filled with genuine admiration. The warmth in her tone caught my attention, drawing me into their conversation.

"Ano ulit pangalan ng kapatid mo, Kuya?" I suddenly asked Kuya Jeremiah, curiosity getting the better of me. He paused his strumming and reached for his shot glass, downing the drink with a practiced ease.

"Lucio," he said, setting the glass back down. "Nickname niya 'yon." He added, a small smile playing at his lips as if remembering some fond memory associated with the name.

"Ano real name niya?" I asked again, unable to contain my interest. My mind was buzzing with a strange anticipation, a need to know more about the person

My interest should've stopped there. I should've stopped being curious. But something about the way he spoke, the soft undertones of affection, kept me wanting to learn more.

"Bakit ha..??" Kuya Jimmy asked teasingly, his eyes twinkling with mischief. I just grinned in response, trying to play it off as casual curiosity.

"Jerald." Kuya Miah responded to my question like it was nothing, his voice steady and unbothered.

It all started there.

That moment where I should've just shrugged the idea off and forgotten I had ever known something. I should've just enjoyed the moment with the people I treasured. I should've JUST asked.

But regretting it won't ever change what happened. It will never heal the scar that it caused. But then again, do I deserve it?