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Things got fucked up. Especially me. My life took the turn I didn't need. I wanted people to be there and instead they all left. For the main people they didn't intentionally leave but they did. While the others just tagged along with them.
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Parents also found out stuff I didn't want them to know about, yet.. If you need an idea it was mainly about my mental health and how I was coping. But even then they really didn't do anything about it besides give me a book as a "healthy coping method" for the things I had been handling myself for quite some time. My idea as to why they didn't do anything besides the book is because it had looked like I was doing okay when I'm still not. I'm not complaining though. Somethings better than nothing.
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On that note my recent mental state behaviour has honestly been weird. I guess you can say I'm trying to keep my mind off of what happened by trying to avoid it with doing things to keep me occupied. I still do the thing that my parents found out about but I'm doing it less and hiding it better. With all that it doesn't change how I feel. I feel so much guilt and sorrow but everyone tells me I was the victim and even though I messed up on two things the rest isn't my fault. They keep telling me that and I feel like there's something wrong with me. If I'm being honest I want something to be wrong with me so I can blame it on that and not feel like I'm actually just what wrong with me. I feel like even saying that sounds selfish but I'm sorry I don't know how else to feel about it.
