real

Rhythms of Raw Desire

I cried in my dreams, 

a puddle of tears to keep me company,

lost in a deep slumber,

shrouded whispers of a caress,

maneuver toward my center,

No Bullshit,

we were making love,

without even uttering those three greedy words to one another.

 

Painting my love,

marking his torso,

trails of raw desire,

unsheathed by the tip of reason,

only you can unleash this beautiful beast

don't you understand now?

 

I am not eternally enslaved to her, but rather to what she embodies. She gave me what I couldn't give myself.  Truth is hard to come by.  When our eyes met for the first time, I knew that she was authenticity. That doesn't make sense, I know, but when I looked into her eyes I saw what I could attain in the purest sense.  Con artist by trade, I conned myself into believeing whatever my quick hands packaged as the truth. I needed what she freely gave.

I needed her to the point of turning away from my worldly lifestyle. I wasn't completely at that point yet, but i was pretty damn close. I had texted her earlier today, after not seeing her for two weeks. She could do so much better than me, but I wanted what she held.

I played my cards cooly and tried to see if she would follow. Of course, she didn't.  She smiled when she say me about campus, but she never went any further than a smile while passing. I smiled in return and masked my sorrow with another lie, when she asked if I was okay. I couldn't allow this to continue without at least trying. So...I texted her and asked if she would like to watch a movie with me tonight.  

The smell of her uneasiness made the sound of her increasing heart rate, that much more evident. Internally, I struggled with wanting to ease her fears and wanting to touch her. She maintained a healthy distance as we leaned against the white washed walls of my dorm. Tracing the soft outline of her petite lips was tantalizing, even though I knew she would stop my trespass with a glance from those eyes. Turning my head in hopes of stealing a kiss, I try to look deeply into those eyes, but to no avail. She reddens and turns away shyly.

 I try to lighten the severity of mood by prattling on about my life. I describe my childhood, unlocking anecdotes from my past life for her to dissect. Neither of us is paying attention to the movie playing on my laptop. I want to stare at the projections of peace from her amethyst colored eyes, but she blushes heavily when I turn to do so. Lazily, I smile, and ask her about herself. 

Too bashful to look at me too long, she gazes at the ceiling as she talks. Greedily, I catalogue her every word for future study. By the time we finish our life stories, the movie is over and it is just before dawn. Our arms and legs are entwined and she is she very nervous. I want to kiss her, but I surprise myself and allow this to be sufficient. I could easily die at this moment and be at peace with all of my transgressions. I am in utter bliss laying here like this. I'm scaring myself. I allow my thoughts to putter to a hum as we both fall asleep in each others' arms. I love you, I whisper.