Lamentations #Wattys2020

3

My eyes widen at his words. How can I have been unconscious for two weeks? I remember talking to Rakeem and hearing Sarafina crying but whatever happened before that seems to be gone from my memory.

'I'm Doctor Richards,' he continues, stepping closer. 'I've been your primary care physician. You suffered quite a fall Sada, and you sustained a severe injury to your abdomen when you fell through the windshield of a car. We had to operate but I'm pleased to tell that your surgery went very well.'

I nod, trying to distract myself from the sad expressions on my parents' faces. How much has this cost them? The doctor turns to my parents and attempts a reassuring smile. He asks them if he can speak to me privately but they're hesitant, especially my father.

'This is my daughter,' he says, his accent thick, 'I want to know what's going on with her.'

My chest pangs at the hurt in my dad's voice. It breaks my heart to know how much this must have damaged them and how scared they must have been. Dad's eyes have gone such a malevolent red and mum looks as if she hasn't slept in days.

My mum tugs on his arm after a while of Dad's complaining. 'Let the doctor help her.' She says. Dad looks back down at me, tears building up in his eyes.

For a bit after they leave it's quiet as the doctor looks at me. Then he holds his hand out to me, nodding at me to shake it when I give him a confused glance. His hand is soft and warm; I'm tempted to ask what cream he uses, just to lighten the mood, but I'm not really in the mood for a joke myself.

'My name's Mickey by the way.' The doctor says. He grabs one of the vacated chairs and scoots closer to me, seeming surprisingly relaxed. His curly red hair seems reminiscent of somebody that I know but I can't put my finger on it. It's somewhat comforting, however, because now I don't feel so shy.

'Mickey?' I smile, raising an eyebrow. 'Like Mickey Mouse? I've never met anybody with that name before.'

'Well it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Sada. Your parents are awfully worried about you.'

'I know.' I sigh. 'I feel horrible about that. I can't believe that I've ended up in the hospital.'

Mickey nods. He stands up to grab something- a notepad and a pen- something I hadn't noticed before, and then he sits back down again.

'Your recovery process will be hard but you seem to have a good support system. It'll be some time before you can be released from the hospital however, and we'll need to do an evaluation as well other tests to track your physical process. We have amazing psychiatrists here and I promise you will get the help that you need.'

I nod at his words, and then I remember that I have no idea why I'm in the hospital in the first place.

'Why would I need to see a psychiatrist, Dr Richards?'

The doctor gives me a patient smile and crosses one leg over the other. And then it hits me: the fall. He thinks I must have tried to kill myself, maybe they all thought so. But that doesn't seem to make sense to me. I understand that the fall could have somewhat affected my memory but there's something nagging at my mind, forcing me to believe that I didn't try to end my life; someone else did.

Katarina.

Bile raises in my throat at the thought of her, of everything that took place before I fell out of Rakeem's bedroom window. My heart thuds faster as my memory comes rushing back to me, the white trainers, what happened in the toilets, the crazy look she got in her eye when she couldn't manage to kill me with her gun. This can't be true, I think, it doesn't make any sense. Katarina, with her kind grey eyes and her words of wisdom, the same girl who held me when I cried over my break up, the same girl that would wake up super early just to come pick up something with me for my mum when I didn't want to go alone. But it's very true. I know it is because I saw her, I remember her being there and the shock of seeing her face in that mirror as well as the strange calmness that overtook me when she pulled me through the window with no remorse.