Forget the World (Pierce the Veil)

2. Through Stained Glass Eyes

Four days later, it was my first day at the new school. After I had hid in the bushes the whole night until my parents came home the next day, I hadn’t left the house and I felt really awkward getting up that morning to leave.

As my alarm went off in the morning, I felt like crying. The last thing I wanted was standing up and leaving my cave that protected me from Jaime. I was still scared he might’ve followed me home and stalked me now, though I didn’t know how he could’ve done that.

Weakly I put one foot on the blue carpet floor. My toes drilled into its fluff, the first thing I felt this morning. I stood up and scuffled over to my dresser. I took out a random shirt, a pair of jeans and underwear. Then I walked over to the bathroom that was connected to my room. Within half an hour, I showered, brushed my teeth, dressed myself and applied a tiny bit of make-up. I didn’t want to overdo it on the first day. But when I looked at myself in the mirror I realized that the person staring back wasn’t me. No, there was someone else with my face, but not me, because I wore a lot of makeup to express myself. And I wore a lot of black and I didn’t wear short sleeves, that wasn’t me and it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Still, I was determined to keep on the things I wore and to swallow all of my weakness, because only this one time, I didn’t want to be the weird fag.

I went downstairs into our kitchen and took a bowl and some cereal and ate my breakfast.

What if they thought I was weird anyways? What if they didn’t accept me again? Could I just go on like I did before, for the rest of my life? I felt lonely, so I put my headphones in and my iphone on shuffle. “Push your care, push your burdens aside, erase everything inside and leave just one thing on your mind” Mitch sang in my ear. Suicide Silence, always a good choice, thank you iphone.

The sun shine into my face when I stepped on the porch. Instantly, I squinted my eyes and put my hand over them to protect my face from the sun. I wasn’t used to that much sun in the mornings… I wasn’t used to sun at all. Back in Wales, it had always been rainy.

Before I walked out on the road, I looked to every side, not wanting to take the risk of being kidnapped.

Even though I had fixed the way on my mind and walked it a thousand times through google earth, it was a complete different feeling to walk it in person. I saw palm trees at the sides and in other people’s gardens and big houses with porches as big as other people’s basements. Just like our house. I hated to be one of the rich kids. I didn’t want to be one of the rich kids and I didn’t act like one. At least I could do that.

20 minutes later I reached the new school and I was flooded by a strange feeling that told be to back away, just go back home or somewhere else and hide for the rest of my life. I clenched my teeth and walked straight into the big building. There were people everywhere. People talking to each other, scrambling through the bulk of other people. And none of them noticed me. I was invisible, shoving my way to the principal’s office. Somehow it was sad, knowing that no one took notice of me but on the other hand I was really glad about it. At least no one would judge me.

The first class I had that day was biology. I wasn’t exactly happy with that since I was a creative girl and I normally failed classes like biology, math, or anything like that.

My heart was racing when I reached the blue door, room 47. I was late, at least ten minutes, but I could excuse that, couldn’t I? Sweaty palms, I knocked on the door silently. I didn’t even know if someone had heard it but I just opened the door slowly. Insecurity flushed my whole body as I saw all the curious eyes scrutinizing me. A wave of words, crashing over my head faggot, bitch, weirdo, emo, shit. My brain didn’t stop repeating them in my head. None of them said a thing but I knew what they were thinking. I saw their disgusted face and the look of being something better in their eyes. I looked to the floor. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was too weak to face these people, too weak to stand there with my torso exposed, making it easy for them to reach out and hurt me. So I crossed my arms in front of my breast and dug my nails into the bare skin.