A Short Long Story

Editors note: This story contains loose facts that can be heavily disputed, especially the basic dates. Deep research was not involved, and I implore you to check facts for yourself if you find yourself interested in the subject matter. It is all very interesting, and this story contains but a small portion. This was all for fun as I read through some things for myself personally. I hope someone enjoys it.

Disclaimer: This contains some sexual and immature content. It is meant to be taken light heartedly and portrayed as the main "character" being a teenager.

Thanks for reading.

                                                                        Earth's Diary

Today is 4,701,382,931 B.C.

Dear Diary,

  I was born today it seems. Or so my neighbors say. i don't remember anything. My neighbors Mercury and Venus are pretty nice. Mars is a bit of a dick though. Seriously, I've been alive for ten minutes and he's already saying I should have been named Uranus. It's not my fault I have a huge volcano that looks a little funny from a distance! I'm supposed to meet the elders soon, Jupiter and Saturn. I'm a bit nervous tbh. I hear they are a bit gassy though. Ew?

Today is 4,001,281,392 B.C.

  Dear Diary,

Saturn has been mentoring me a lot. He' s a nice old guy that's been around for a while. He has been teaching me to create Amino Acids Chains. It's hard, but I think I am getting it. I created my first spiral chain today. I'm pretty stoked!

I am slightly bummed as Saturn said I had to halt my constant meteorshowers to do my work. But it's sooo much fun! Ah well.

Today is 3,910,183,002 B.C.

  Dear Diary,

 I created my first cell life today. Proud?!

I released some into one of my smaller lakes to see what would happen. They are thriving! A bit cannibalistic but hey, the strong survive, right?

They have been busy building up proteins, making them grow pretty fast. I can't wait to see what happens with them next. Saturn says they will evolve into certain things, as long as I give them plenty of room and variety.

Today is 3,894,193,912 B.C.

  Dear Diary,

 It seems the cells have reached a maximum size. Saturn says it's because the food cannot reach inside fast enough to sustain it. I'm a bit confused by it, but he says not to worry, that they will adapt.

Edit: OMG, was he ever right! They are splitting into two different cells! They are multiplying at an exponential rate. Millions and millions of them now!

Today is 3,583,193,103 B.C.

  Dear Diary,

 My cells are starving. :(

I really want to help them, so bad, but Saturn and Jupiter have both assured me that leaving them be is for the best. It's hurting me to watch them. I can't. AHHHH.