What Is and What Should Never Be | Sirius Black

Epilogue

"Fine." He mutters, walking over to us. "Bit boring."

"You can help Des cook instead." Sirius offers and I know it's because he wants to spend time with him. I nod.

"What about the others?" Harry asks, referring to the Weasleys and Hermione.

"The others aren't my godson." I say and hand him the knife, telling him to finish the vegetables.

I go over to grab the meat that we need as Harry and Sirius speak. Harry tells us about his trial, about how he saw Lucius Malfoy speaking with the Minister, and how Dumbledore was there. I feel my anger start to rise as he recalls how Dumbledore testified to save him from expulsion.

"Maybe I should go." Harry cuts himself off and I see he's staring at my iron death grip on the pork with a worried face.

I let go and wipe my hands on a towel.

"No, Harry." I calm down. "I'm not mad at you."

My eyes catch sight of his wonderfully cut vegetables and I nod.

"Those are perfect." I compliment and he nods while I turn back to the meat.

"Why are you mad then?" He asks and brings the cutting board over to me.

"Nothing, really." I assure, not wanting to influence his opinion on the Headmaster.

"Des doesn't like Dumbledore." Sirius tells him and I shoot him a look. He chooses to ignore it.

"Why?" Harry looks up at me and I shake my head at him, taking the food from his hold.

"We don't see eye-to-eye on certain things." I explain. "That's it."

"Like what?" He pesters and I point Sirius towards the spice cabinet so he can't say anything else.

"Like what to do with our godson." Sirius blabbers anyway, as he gets up to get my things and I sigh.

Harry gives me a confused look and Sirius dumps the cans and bottles of flavours beside me.

"Dumbledore refused to leave you in my care after your parents died." I say. "Sirius and I hadn't gotten married yet so I wasn't your 'official' godmother. And he wouldn't even listen when I told him Sirius was innocent."

"That doesn't sound like Dumbledore." Harry shakes his head and this is exactly why I didn't want to tell him.

I don't want to put ill thoughts in his mind about someone he looks to as a mentor. No matter my feelings towards the old wizard, it's not my place to say anything. Nevertheless, if Harry asks, I can't lie to him.

"He did what he thought was right." Sirius defends and I look at him.

"He let you rot in Azkaban for 12 years." I spit. "He put Harry in the care of those people. He had less right than me to decide where he should go."

Sirius rests a hand on my shoulder and I realize I'm getting too worked up. I lean back into him and bite my cheek as he runs his hand up and down my arm.

"Well, maybe." Sirius says. "But, if Harry doesn't mind the occasional scream from my mother, perhaps he'd like to stay here next summer?"

I hear the hopefulness in my husbands voice and as much as I'd love Harry to live with us, I don't think Grimmauld place has much to offer besides myself, Sirius, and Remus. Sure, there's the Order meetings, but he'll be kept out of them at most people's request and the house still isn't completely suitable for living in yet.

But Harry's face doesn't convey my thoughts - it's full of pondering with a hint of a smile in the corners of his lips.

"Stay here?" He repeats. "With you guys?"

"We could be a proper family."

"You know we love you, Harry." I add and Harry's smile turns into a toothy grin. Helga, it's exactly like James.

"Yes." He says. "Yes, I wanna live with you."

My heart sinks at his words. Not because he wants to live with us - no, I love the thought of it - but because the idea that he'd rather live here than at his aunt and uncles house says how bad it is there for him.

I stop myself before I can wrap him up in a hug, because I don't want to scare him, or make him uncomfortable with the abrupt gesture. But when I raise my arms out, and it registers in his mind what I'm offering, he steps into me hesitantly and I give him a warm hug. His arms go around me and I feel Sirius move before he too joins in.

"All we want is for you to be safe, Harry." I tell him softly and run my hand over his unruly hair.

"And happy." Sirius adds.

"Yes, happy, too."

"And well fed."

"Of course."

"And funny, too, don't want you to be a bore."

"Helga, Sirius." I sigh and Harry chuckles.

~*~

"He's going to stay with us, Des." Sirius paces the room with hope. "He said he wants to - he wants to, Des."

"I know, I know." I say, moving my eyes back and forth to keep up with him. "Come to bed, you need to sleep."

I pat the spot on the mattress next to me and Sirius finally stops his pacing to crawl under the covers. I shut off the lights so I don't have to see the room anymore.

I hate this house. Sirius hates this house. Everyone hates this house, except for Kreacher. All I want to do is leave this depressing reminder of all the bad memories my husband has, I want him to walk a free man, and I want us and Harry to try and build something new. But I worry that won't happen if Sirius keeps being - well - how he is.

"Sirius?" I call into the darkness with a soft voice. "Darling? My love? Man I've dedicated my life to?"

There's shuffling as he turns to face me, moving closer.

"Yes, woman I love with all my heart?" He says in what I assume is a joke, but his tone matches my own sincere one so I'm not too sure.

"I know you're excited," I go, "but you need to be careful. Your rash decisions have not turned out good in the past, and we..."

I take a shaky breath.

"We don't want anything to happen to you. We can't have you taken away from us again."

Sirius reaches out and grabs onto me, moving so that he's right beside me and can rest his head on the same pillow as me.

"You won't lose me again." I feel his breath on my cheek, and I'm thankful that it doesn't have a hint of alcohol. "Harry is better off here with us than at the muggles. You said so yourself."

"That's not what I'm talking about." I turn on my side to face him. "This is war, again. And we've lost too many people in the first one. I need to you to just think, please, if not for yourself, then for Harry. What happens to him if you die?"

"You're doing it again." He says.

"What?"

"Thinking of other people before yourself."

"I think in this situation I'm allowed to." I defend. "We have a minor who was entrusted to us, you're one of the only connections he has to his parents."

Sirius moves his arm under the pillow, bringing the other to my body to hold me. My hands go to his cheeks, my thumbs running over the stubble as I look into his hauntingly beautiful eyes.

"Okay." He says. "I'll be more careful. For Harry, for Remus, for the Order."

He presses his lips to mine in a gentle and loving kiss, pulling me as close as he can to his body, wrapping both his arms around me like I might float away if he doesn't. I cradle his face in my hands.

"For you." He breaths, lips still touching mine. "I'll be careful, for you."

"For me." I agree, holding him close.