The Infamous Fixer

The End from the Beginning.

"Hey babe! Let's just be clear on something. I don't want us to break up. Can we just fix this!" This was me desperately muttering and whimpering over my boyfriend's... Ex- boyfriend's shoulder. It was actually over. Damn. I was not taking this and step out of this house.

"You know what! I hate repeating myself. Your beautiful mind is smart enough to know how far we've struggled keeping this relationship on stand. Four years ago we began this shitty relationship, and Diane, it's over!..." He trailed with the oohs we've had a thousand and one fights... Ooh We're not meant for each... You deserve better shit. Ugh!
Hold on. Did we miss the fact that he called me by my name?
It was really over.

I cupped my head in my hands. I felt that hot painful, bitter feeling surge and build up in my stomach. My heart was breaking. Literally breaking. I felt my tongue taste bile. My chest ached. I wanted to scream. Scream so loud that time would apologize and mend the fuck that happened. I broke down. I let my mind loose and mourn my loss. My eyes were clouded as I walked into the bathroom. Our bathroom. I sat in the bathtub and let myself sink in the warm water.
I thought about every single important and silly memory I had had with him. From the walks in the nights to the street foods we ate together. From the pillow fights to the great, steamy hot sex we had. From the movies we watched all night to dragging his ass to the kitchen to make his favorite stewed rice and pancakes. That made me smile. I was going to miss him for my whole lifetime.

Boy made me fall deeply in love with him. And here he was gone.

Life just lost its meaning and I was already letting in Hanna of the The Thirteen Reasons Why take over my head. I searched around for anything to slit my wrists but oooh! My sweet boy doesn't leave such in our bathroom. I let it go.
Cry girl. Scream. It's the only way to let it go. Fuck cry.

Chris Martin's Let her go hit the nerves of my broken self. I cried my eyes out. Damn. It was such a worldly cry, I'd tell my kids someday.

Gladly, exams were over and we were done... So I'm single now. I was done with my second year. Life in college moves fast, here's to moving to another year. This is also meant that I HAD to move out of our house...that belonged to Archie.

Sorry. Looks like I didn't do the introductions. But by now, y'all know me,by the time you heard Archie yell my stupid name while breaking up with me. It still hurts though!
Actually the boy left me in the house and went out with his friends. Probably find someone better than my poor ass. Smh.

He didn't come home that night nor the following two other days. Whoa! Girl it was serious, he was done. That tinge of pain hit again. It was like pulling my heart out of its place. It hurt. I cried again. This time I gave myself that silly pep talk that "this was going to be the last time I'm crying over him and I'd move on". Haha. Girl, how we lie to our blind hearts.

On this morning, I woke up after too much mourning of the living and decided it was time to move on. Wasn't I just bullshitting myself? But anyway, what was I supposed to do? Cry more? Bury my head in the pillow and soak my sheets in my colourless tears? Explain to God that I was incapable of moving my feet because the boy left me? Oh no! Come on! You ever read those Pinterest quotes telling you how strong of a woman you are and the boy left because he's scared of your strength? Or Maya Angelou's I"ll Rise and make sure it fits your situation. Or how of a she-wolf you are and he's nothing close to your He. Haha! They were actually working.

Stepped out of the door, looked back one more time and I was done. Fuck No! I was not.
Girl, he got no time for you anymore. Get your pieces together and move! That was my little inner strong goddess doing the talk.

I slammed the door behind me, fighting tears threatening to explode, and left the key in a flower vase outside his door.
Wait! Oh poor me. I bought him this flower vase.

Here i was in a bus back home in the suburbs. I let my mind wander into something else. Something positive. Still on Pinterest quotes. Focus on the positive yeah?
How we lie to ourselves.

I had applied for a scholarship to Queen's College and I was expecting a response from them to know the status of my admission.
Dear Mind, take me to Queen's College. Let's talk about the goals I was still on hitting and the future I was building. Alone. Let's talk about the boys I'd meet .

Snap back bitch. We ain't doing a-n-y-m-o-r-e boys bullshit!

I was starting to doubt my mind if it would be capable of handling my heart issues.

Northern Townhouse! Here i was, minutes away from rejoining with my family.
Just as I was closing up the distance between me and our gate, I noticed something queer. It would always be noisy and all that, but silence dawned.

Or they too, are heartbroken they way I am.

Then I saw shadows below the gate, like everyone was moving to the sides of the gate. Argh! The drama.
"Jay, Open the gate!" I yelled at my younger brother.
The gate was opened. Okay?! Not normal. Kidnappers? Serial killers?
Aah my mind!

Just then... The weird happy screams filled my ears. What-the-fuck-is-going-on?
My face made this questioning look at my dad. He continued to smile and jump like some fat baby.
"Queen's just called. Girl you're way up!" Jay saved me the pain of asking everyone.

Daaamn! What. Good news at least. Got a full scholarship for two years to Queen's College. Girl, was balling!
Truly, life was going to MOVE ON. It was? I was just going to forget Archie just like that?
I groaned and my heart did that stupid hurt thing it does when it's breaking.

To New Beginnings.💃💃