Just my life (kind of a vent-?)

Oh buddy boy

At the start of my life I was born obviously. I was born on July 23. I'm young I know. Born female, a girl. I was on the cusp of Leo and Cancer, but I was a Leo. I spent years of my life in happiness. But I when I was four.... my mother died. I didn't know it at the time. I mean I knew she was dead but I didn't... I didn't cry or anything. I was just so young. She died from an overdose. It affects me harshly today, her death. I thought my grandmother was LAUGHING. I was a monster...

I spent my life for years not caring what I looked or sounded like. I was a smart kid who had zero shame. The instincts of a true Leo.

I figured out that I had a half-brother, Deavon. I still haven't met him to this day, but I know what he looks like. I've only ever talked to him once, he was a deep voiced man. Liked to skate. Anyways I haven't met him.

The one friend I've had throughout all of my life and still have today I think, her name was Grace. We were best friends for years.

I made a friend in Kindergarten named Heaven. She's still one of my best friends to this day. She can be a bit annoying at times, but she's a good person.

I continued my life with no problems. I was always the straight girl that behaved every day. I also had this one friend, who I don't want to mention, for years. He brings back horrible memories.

In fourth grade I wanted to be friends with two girls. Savannah and Christi were their names. One of which is now a boy.

I never became friends with the two in that year, but I really wanted to. I went on to fifth grade. Savannah was a girl at the time, and they were the only person I knew in the gym class. So that's how we became friends.

I then figured out that I was bisexual. I later figured out that I was actually pansexual. Some of my friends were homophobic, they aren't now.

Evan, previously known as Savannah, transitioned to a boy (of course I was completely fine with it, I later transitioned to non-binary).

In the middle of the year, to put it shortly, Evan and Heaven has a big quarrel. I was neutral for the most part. We're all friends now.

I became depressed during the middle of the year, of course it was extremely mild.

A few months before the end of the year, I developed feelings for Evan. Of course I was way to shy to tell him. Those feelings continued throughout the summer, but we couldn't see each other until the beginning of sixth grade.

We basically always role played as I was his dad and he was my son. Heaven was also my son. I was really into Hamilton and I still am, so I took like 1,000 quizzes, each coming back as King George III. I 100% agree with the quizzes because I do act like him. So basically I was married to Samuel Seabury, Kingsbury was my favorite ship at the time. It's still one of my favorites, actually.

Sixth grade was when the depression REALLY kicked in. I started being self-conscious of everything. My voice. My sexuality. My gender. My body size. The way I acted. Everything was wrong. Also just to let you know, I'm a fucking potty mouth in real life. If I'm not near my grandmother, I'm going to swear in my sentences.

I started cutting, this time more severely. I've never bled out no matter how hard I tried. I'm also a complete germaphobe. That's why I don't cut very often.

Me and Evan has some drama for a few days, but best friends go through their best and their worst together.

Remember Grace? She was in my gym class along with Evan. We all got along, even though I felt like a third wheel sometimes. Of course I probably wasn't actually a third wheel, maybe I just beat myself up to often.

Grace was kind of.. how do I put this... she would call me dumb every other minute. My opinions were invalid. Also my friends would make fun of my germaphobia by fake coughing near me. It happened all of the time. Of course they were just joking and I didn't take it to seriously.

I also got REALLY into shipping. I've always been a shipper. I started high key shipping Fraxus and Batjokes. Those are still my all time favorites to this day.

So then the coronavirus came. School was supposed to be closed for two weeks, but now it's closed for the rest of the school year.

Eventually Evan said that he liked me romantically, and of course I liked him romantically as well. The relationship lasted a week, Evan couldn't handle a relationship at the moment which was completely reasonable. I didn't make a huge deal out of it, I knew it would happen, so that's why I didn't really mind.

So then everyone was freaking the fucking hell out about the coronavirus, and I got extreme anxiety about it. And to this day, I draw all of the time because I have no life and I communicate with all of my friends through zoom calls because I'm to nervous to text any of them except for Evan (:

So random facts that you didn't need to know
1) I love the Joker to the point where it's unhealthy
2) my favorite anime characters are Ryuk, Aoyama, Freed, Kushieda, and a bunch more.
3) I love She-ra and my favorite character is Hordak.
4) My favorite ship is Fraxus.
5) My favorite movie is Sonic the Hedgehog. Lee Magdoub and Jim Carrey were amazing.
6) Black Veil Brides and Falling In Reverse are the best bands ever go listen to them.

-kirishine_ is Evan so go fucking follow him right the hell now damn it