Watch Me as I Disappear: Poem Collection

How She Disappears

i.
"you are not a burden"
but oh, how i feel like one.
slowly, the distance between relationships is no longer a stream that can be leaped over, but a mountain that cannot be crossed.
«where have you gone?»

ii.
"why do you wish to go so far?"
this some city has never been enough to quell this thunderstorm in my mind, i have to fight to keep from screaming and shouting the rebellion that dances in my brain.
i pack up all my things, i only look back twice.
«you are a memory, fading, fading, forgotten»

iii.
"please don't leave me."
i know people have shown up in your life,
and showed you love and adoration and how to find yourself in the darkest of times; i know that person for you is me,
i know that you never thought i would be the one to leave, the one to fade.
i stop calling and texting and emailing
«i know, my love, i am sorry»

iv.
"they forgot who you are. i'm sorry."
it is not your fault, i wished to be shrouded in mystery,
i wished to go far and wide and not have to worry about love and relationships,
it is not your fault that i forgot them too.
after that, i erase everything.
facebook and twitter accounts are deactivated,
there is no more me on instagram
«you said you'd come back, you never did»

v.
"you never meant to find your way back home?"
the plan was this:
i graduate,
i leave,
i forget, you forget.
i travel and i never stay in one place too long,
i never fall in love and i forget what being loved and cared about feels like.
i forget what your laughter and smiles feel like.
«i have no where else to go, i am tired and sad and so very lonely. i am sorry, i am sorry, i am sor-»