What Is and What Should Never Be | Sirius Black

2. Cozy Sweaters and Bookworm Vibes

ADMITTEDLY, I've known Remus is a werewolf since third year. I'm embarrassed it took me so long to figure it out, but I never confronted him about it. I know he's ashamed, and figure I can wait until he's ready to tell me himself. Admittedly, I also thought he would tell me a lot sooner, I think after six years the secret would be out by now.

I mean, did he think I was really that stupid when I found him beaten up in the Hospital Wing every month of first to fourth year? Did he think I believed the ever more outrageous excuses he offered for why he was covered in a new scratch (even though I never asked)? And does he think I don't notice how - unexplainably - he's been getting better and sometimes won't even be in the Hospital Wing anymore? That when I bring his sweets and Madame Pompfrey tells me he's in his dorm sleeping, I just shrug and accept it? I'm not stupid, but I was fine to let him think he was getting away with it in the hopes that he would tell me - his best friend.

This is my best (and only) guess I have as to why Remus is avoiding me. I mean, summer was a close call, and it's that, or he suddenly doesn't like me, which can't be the case. It just can't.

So, if I can get Remus to just open up about his lycanthropy, and show that it really doesn't change the way I feel about him, maybe he'll stop ignoring me. I reckon since I want him to be the one to tell me, I might as well give hints that I know, and hope he isn't too daft to figure it out.

I make my way to the Great Hall, because I just opened my mail, and Remus' mum sent me a fashion catalog with some items she thought I'd like circled with red ink. I was so happy, the first thing I wanted to do was show Remus, but was hit with the remembrance that he's ducking through corridors in order to escape me. And I hate this feeling, this separation, so I need to hope it's his lycanthropy that's making him avoid me, and get it sorted out.

"Desdemona." My foot stops on the second stair and I realize that with my distracted thoughts, I completely missed David.

"Oh," I shake my head clear. "What's up, David?"

"Is Jiaying still getting ready?" He asks.

David only every calls his girlfriend by her Chinese name - her birth name. She started wanting everyone to call her 'Jane' in fourth year, thinking it's just easier to pronounce rather than Jiaying. I think they're both pretty.

"You don't have her schedule memorized?" I tease the Ravenclaw and he rolls his eyes at me.

"If she woke up on time she'd be done by now." He says, not denying my claim, and I check my watch, knowing he's right.

"Why're you waiting for her?" I ask leaning my arms over the staircase.

"Hogsmeade dates have just been released." He explains with a smile. "I gotta ask her before anyone else does."

I laugh a bit at that, as if she would go with anyone else. I bid myself goodbye anyway, David actually giving me a good idea for Remus. Before I enter the Great Hall, I check the board outside that lists the dates, grinning at the weekend the first one falls on.

Eagerly moving into the room, I immediately spot the scar littered Gryffindor seated in the middle of the long house table and resist the urge to skip over to him. Instead, I opt to hide my excitement, so I can sneak up to him without him running away from me.

"What's happening?" I say and lean my arm on the table beside Remus.

Remus is a bit shocked at my sudden presence, and I see his eyes glance around, probably realizing I've blocked him off from a quick escape.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

"Well, I have something to ask you."

He looks uneasy for a split second, and I can only hope he lets me get through what I want to say. This is the longest conversation we've had since the platform, and I'm worried it's not gonna last.