Lanalex

The view from the stage :Lana Del Rey

I was feeling very uneasy as I was singing trash. You may say that the reason I felt uneasy singing it was because I sang it under 'Lizzy Grant' but no, that's not quite it. I was actually uneasy because even in this crowd of people I still felt lonely inside. Some swayed with the words I sang, others kissing each other, and some even closing there eyes, as if feeling something. Yet Inside, I was still alone. But then something else caught my eyes. Not just anything, someone caught my eyes. I saw a man who looked like someone I've seen before, maybe in my dreams, but I've seen him before. We locked eyes. He stared right through me. My voice became a little wobbly as if he distracted the way I was singing too. I was starting to worry whether id forget the words to the song or not . My hands were sweating as the microphone almost slipped of t fingers. In my head I prayed I wouldn't mess this performance up from the distraction of this heavenly man. I started to shake a bit and I gave him a shy smile and a small laugh as I continued to sing . He returned his smile too, as he took a puff from his cigarette shaping the cheekbones on his perfectly structured face. OnCe the song was finished, everyone clapped, except for him. He just stared at me. He looked at me as if to say something, as if he'd seen me before but wasn't sure whether it was the person he'd known. "Thank you everybody I'll see you again soon!" I gave a quick wave to the crowd as they clapped but as I stood there i desperately searched for this man in the crowd. I couldn't find him. Perhaps he was just a dream from my lonely soul, maybe he was just an illusion. Never have I seen a more beautiful man. I felt light headed heading down the stairs in the back of the pit from the bar. I took a sip from my water. I felt dizzy and sort of uncontious. I fumbled down the steps as I heard a loud voice "LAAANNNAAA!!! Great job baby girl!!" Said Courtney. She looked at me with big eyes. "Huh?" I said, as She started laughing at my response"Hello!!??Anyone in there?? Hahahalooks like you've just seen a ghost!! What's wrong, you okay cutie??" Of course I wasn't fine. I kept thinking about that man, wondering where Id seen him. "Yea, I'm okay, I just, I don't know, it's time to get going." Courtney Love is to be performing with me at the endless summer tour. We had become close and it was nice to have her by my side while I took a slight break from large crowds. It was nice performing at my delight. I preferred performing in bars and night clubs rather than large venues. It reminded me of the times I used to back in New York. I felt at home, yet I wasn't. I missed being home, shooting pointless photoshoots with old style videos. Except, I really was never at home. I fear I will be lonely inside until I die. Maybe it's the way I am. But I search for a place to call home. Unfortunately, I fear to say I have called someone my home. I'm not even sure if I should even call him home. What I desire is something much more, I desire a mind blowing love, a love no one would dare try. And I'm afraid I don't know if Francesco is the one. I'm not sure anyone is.