Because of a girl
So it's 2 am and I'm here
Shattered and broken again.
Each time I see you text me it
No longer brings me the joy I used to feel.
Now it's a cold feeling in my stomach,
Like I had just been punched.
My heart feels attacked and my mind roams wild.
I don't know how to do this.
How to be friends with a girl I'm in love with.
To be friends with a girl who broke my heart.
You say you get it.
But you didn't get promised a future.
You didn't get promised endless love.
You didn't get promised things that were broken.
I should've known better.
I should've kept a part of me for myself.
But you wanted all of me..
So how could I not give it to you.
How could I not give it to the girl I'm in love with?
The independent things I would do now haunt me.
Ever corner of my life has something about you.
I can't turn without you there.
And now you say we can be friends?
Now you say that you were willing to try to love me?
That I would try and make you love me again?
Cause when things got tough with you when a thought of breaking up with you came up I would automatically feel bad.
I would automatically think of the good instead of bad.
I would blame myself for you saying something hurtful because I deserved it.
I would wonder if I didn't do enough.
I did do enough.
I did stuff that I was afraid of,
I did stuff I didn't want to do for the sake of you.
I stayed when I was so nervous and anxious around your friends because I knew you wanted me there.
I stayed at a party that took me thirty minutes to get out of a car and ten more to walk over to your house and another five to convince myself because I knew you wanted me there.
And finally when I stayed because I wanted to stay and not just for you.
It disappears.
Now I'm left wondering and hoping for you to drive by and be there ready to give me a hug.
Because you said you were willing to try to love me again.
Because a romantic spark between two teenagers that don't have a life yet was gone.
Because I didn't run up to you but I did get ready and picked an outfit, did my hair and nails for a girl that I would only see for 20 minutes.
Because I have flaws that I told you about,
That I warned you about..
And now I am stuck with memories I now wish I could forget.
Because I'm still in love with a girl who broke my heart.
