Wonderland.

Chapter 5: So Much For That

I think I'm going to throw up. This is it, I'm nauseous. She's kissing another guy... Well so much for that. I'm done. I'm legitimately done with everything. How could she? I guess it's my fault for not just fucking coming out with it already. Yeah. It's all my fault, but wen isn't it, right?

I decided to not even go in the room. I can't. I'll break down. I'm just going to go to the nurses office and fake a stomach ache. Oh wait, i Don't think i'll actually have to fake considering what I just saw. As i walk into the nurses office I notice it's empty. The nurse isn't even there.

terrific.

I decided i'll just lay dawn on the little futon and rest. If she comes in and sees me i'll just say i was about to throw up, so i just let myself in. I wouldn't even be lying.

Luckily, she never shows up and i'm brought back to earth by the sound of the dismissal bell. I sluggishly trudge up to my locker and get my backpack and walk outside to the spot where my mom usually picks me up. She's right on time. Like usual.

"How was your day?" she asked

"Fine." i replied.

I think she got the hint and left it at a silence for the remainder of the trip home. At least she didn't blab on, because frankly, if she did, i might have snapped and yelled at her. I'm that upset. After I got home I walked directly to my room. Even though she apparently likes another guy I still find myself thinking of her. That's it. Her. And the way she kissed him. She wasn't facing me, but I could still see it. There was so much passion in it. I think i'm going to be sick. Again. I just turned on my television and tried to forget about it. Forget about everything.

What am I going to do? I finally built up the confidence to make a gad damned move on her and I walk in to a make out session. She was all I thought about and its disappearing. MY plan has been ripped to shreds. The nausea comes back. And i throw up in the sink, and just dry heave for a while.

Terrific.

I think i''m going to ask Santa for Jade for Christmas.

He'll probably laugh at me.

She is out of my league, though. And everybody knows it. If they care enough to, anyways. Probably not. There's nothing I can do about it anyways. I can't just magically make myself hot or funny or talented. Or anything good for that matter.

I've decided on a word to describe myself.

Annoying.

I even annoy myself. I've been called it probably countless times and even my own family calls even calls me annoying. They have nothing to gain or loose from tell me so, so why wouldn't they be telling the truth? They are. They are telling the truth. And I am annoying. I'm already so self conscious about being annoying andI think i just confirmed it.

I really am annoying aren't I?

Im annoying?

I'm annoying.

I hate it when I come to such horrible realizations like this. Ones that make me feel pathetic for not noticing it earlier.