Thoughts on Thoughts

Night thoughts.

When night starts, darkness covers everything, sounds fade, and everyone stands still in their place thinking about life that seems to pause for hours, I only get one thing to think about, you. My mind keeps refusing the fact that one day you'll be gone and maybe, just maybe, forever. I keep thinking how would my life be without you? How would I survive  ? I mean everything has changed after you stepped in my life how can I return to my old life when I'm keep falling for the new one you're in? People say that the battle is always between your heart and your mind, but with you it's different, my heart and mind both want you, need you. How did you get my heart and mind in one track while me myself couldn't do it? I ask myself one question every day and night "will you leave me?" My thoughts go like the "he loves me, he loves me not" thing, but I never complete the flower to know what would the last one say. I'm that person who don't get afraid of asking but gets terrified of the answers. If we fell apart will we fall back together one day or won't we? If you have to leave, before you do give me hope or take it all with you don't leave me hanging out there not knowing how it will all end up, how I'll end up. Don't leave me in the middle of nowhere, I've always been lost in the nothingness and I hated it. Now, I need to know where to stand, give me ground to step on. All my decisions in life is final,  I don't get people who live in grey,  for me it's always black or white. I hesitate, more than I breathe, but only because I'm afraid of the consequences although I never left myself in the grey side just no, sometimes I give myself false hope to breathe in and out and sometimes I take it all and this may make me stand in wrong sides but never unclear ones. Please, for God's sake,  I'm so tired and I barely breath, waiting for you to decide, at least give me a hint, i spent my life waiting for you, your decision will change my own whole life, AND GOD HOW I HATE WAITING!  but for you, I waited. Only God know how hard for me to not have a side, I'm lost in your greyness and your there knowing all me black's and white's. You know me so well, you know what I hate but you keep constantly doing it.  If this just to know wether I love you or not, if it's gonna make you decide,  so yes,  I do love you,  I love you with every piece of me, I breathe you in and out.  I put my trust in you to decide what's good for us both,  you have always knew what's good for me, and I'm sure you still do.