Code

Part 2: Programs and Propaganda

She wasn’t sure how it would respond, but she definitely did not expect it to pass out, falling slowly like an old tree that was being knocked down by stronger winds. God. She was just trying to inform it before she might report it, but she was not expecting, was not suited for this kind of situation. God.

Without realizing it, the virus was in her arms, wrapped in furs to keep it warm. Aster contemplated her decision. This was insanity. She should turn it in. That’s what she was programmed to do, her purpose. She was supposed to analyze viruses and then… send them to their deaths. Aster swallowed, realizing for the first time, her impact on a lot of innocent lives. That shouldn’t be a problem though. That never had been her problem. This was risky, it could risk her job.

It’s just a job.

My life.

You’ve never truly enjoyed your life; you just did as you’re told.

That is what I was programmed to do.

Do you think it’s fair?

I’m a program. I shouldn’t have these feelings.

Is that your fault?

Aster had no real answer.

I’m here to persuade and guide you, Aster. But I can’t make your decisions. What you decide to do is all you.

Her visible conscience smiled and dissipated into a flurry of snow and stinging ice.

Aster bit her lip in serious thought. A single drop of blood fell on the crisp, white snow.

***

Aster was eventually deleted like she expected. She never did quite get over her fear of being caught, though her exterior never showed it. Her heart was pounding like crazy, she assured me though, when the gamemasters were gone.

Aster. My guardian, my protector. I was that Virus who she protected. I was the child she never had, she would tell me.

Even after she was deleted, she was looking out for me. I was linked to a player like all the other avatars, and eventually the gamemasters did stop searching for the “missing Virus.” They said deleting Aster was due to cumulative propaganda, and said they were sorry for the inconvenience. They apologized profusely about the whole incident, and they lamented about the loss of a beloved program. She will always be remembered, they said.

Aster’s face was so peaceful during the whole thing, Lilith said. All the programs were there. Lilith said she didn’t know who it was that turned Aster in, but she said it didn’t take a genius to guess it was probably one of the younger programs. They all were jealous of Aster and suspicious when she came empty-handed.

When she was gone, I fell into deep depression. I had no will to live. I tried to kill myself, but in a game with infinite lives, it’s kind of hard to die and stay dead. My player was probably beyond frustrated. Every time he sent his player to the frontlines, his avatar always seemed to die without cause in the first wave. It drove him insane. I’m lucky he didn’t report it to the gamemasters then and there.

With Aster gone, the game fell into a Virus heyday. The game seemed to be struggling to keep itself together, as Viruses bent on destruction ravaged every single server. For awhile, I became inspired to see if any other Virus was like me, but no luck.

The darkest time in my depression was when I nearly gave in to Virus-like cynicism. When my player was gone, I would wander aimlessly about, wreaking havoc. I saw no beauty, only imperfections and ugliness. I wanted to destroy everything and everyone. Each time I went, the codes binding my personality grew looser and looser, until nearly none of me was left. I couldn’t remember Aster, I couldn’t remember anyone.

Lilith brought me back to my senses when she was able to forward to me a message Aster had tried to write to me before the execution:

 

Dear01000011 01101111 01100100 01100101,

I don’t know if this will reach you soon enough or reach you at all, but I’ve instructed Lilith to give it to you, regardless of cost or incompleteness. I know you well enough to realize you probably feel guilty or responsible in some way to my death. Don’t be. I regret nothing. Saving you was the best thing I’ve ever done. It saved me from being like all the other programs, which have no sense of humanity. I don’t blame them. In their minds, they’re doing the right thing, because it is much easier to do as your code tells you than to follow your emotions, what you believe is right. I’m sure you’ve realized by now, that you’re different. Don’t think of it as a burden, think of it as a gift. Embrace it. Do what your heart tells you to do, be reckless with your emotions, learn from your mistakes. Never forget who you are.

 

Aster

Hearing her voice again in that small moment, realizing she wasn’t really gone, made me feel whole again. I completely melted. “Aster! Aster!” I cried out, beating my hands on the glass table in my room, which completely shattered, probably under the weight of so many emotions.