No Good At Goodbyes

salt lake city

I wake to the sound of the shower running, the clock on the night stand marks five in the morning and I roll over onto Austin's side of the bed looking out the floor to ceiling window that overlooks the Salt Lake City landscape. I throw the comforter back, drawn by the majestic sight of the early dawn. I could really get used to this, I think to myself as I walk outside.I take a deep breath feeling the fresh pine air filter in and through my lungs.

 There is a slight cool breeze in these early hours, it's colder on this side of the mountain which the sun is yet to reach. I pad barefoot across the wooden deck and lower myself to the edge of the floor, swinging my bare legs back and forth. I sit shivering for a while until the sun starts to rise, it is absolutely stunning. I close my eyes and absorbing the timid rays of sunlight that reach the deck.

"Hey." I startle hearing the low voice behind me.

I turn to find Austin with a towel wrapped low at his waist, water droplets from his curls drop and splatter, staining the vintage patio wood finish.

"Morning stranger." I answer with a wink. He gives me a goofy smile, his eyes lingering on my face for a second longer than usual. I wrinkle my nose and pushing my unruly black curls behind my ears.I must look like a huge mess, but his face betrays nothing of that sort and he seems to grow infinitely more sad.

"I have to leave in about an hour, you are welcome to stay as long as you want." He says his blue eyes apologetic. I look down at his feet , where the water continues to drip. I refuse to meet his pale gaze, a blue so pale it is barely there. 

 It is the same ritual every weekend,meeting every Friday evening somewhere only we know, spending the rest of the weekend hidden away in the Utah mountains, and leaving every Sunday.I give him a small smile, no matter how much I wish we could stay like this forever, we both have careers and responsibilities outside of these rendezvous. I walk up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck , my cotton tee sticks to his torso and I can feel the water from his shower soaking through, he is warm and I shiver in his arms.

"I'll fix your breakfast. " I announce as I always do. His phone rings and I leave him to get ready in the privacy of his room. I quietly make my way to the guest room here my go bag lays propped open since Friday night.

After breakfast, I sit at the foot of the stairs and I watch as a black SUV pulls up into the driveway, the gravel crunching under its tires.

" Austin your rides here!" I yell up the stairs. His manager opens the passenger and takes out his phone, phoning his arrival.

Austin comes down the stairs looking sharp in a pinstriped Navy suit and a black tie. I feel my breath catch in my chest, he looks...for a lack of better words....yummy. His trousers snug and well-fitted, the suit jacket perfectly pressed and measured against his broad shoulders. He winks as if he can read my thoughts.

"Thanks Nora." He says kissing me until my head swims. He eyes my packed go bag and purse resting by the stairs banister.

"You don't have to leave." He says wounded. I grimace inwardly, I have never liked to feel as a free loader and some how being in this mansion of house makes me feel like I am taking advantage if Austin. But I can't tell him that, there are moments when it is difficult to distinguish between who he is on stage and who he is at home. Post Malone is this rock star who is reckless and careless, but at home he is Austin, a sweet guy who never wears shoes and would much rather be in his room sleeping or playing video games.

"Sir, I have a life, a career and some very curious relatives outside of these  weekend escapades." I tease pulling at his tie. His eyes twinkle with mischief. He doesn't let go , merely holding me against him, I inhale his cologne as he runs his fingers through my hair that drips from my recent shower.

"This never get any easier does it?" He whispers. I lean back to look at him,attempting to close the foot difference between him and I. His ocean eyes are impossibly sorrowful and my throat thickens at the sight. 

"No it doesn't. " I answer kissing both of his eyelids, nose and lips.

He dips his tongue inside my mouth and I groan at the sensation.I wrap myself around him and he pushes me against the stairs the banister digging into my back .He trails wet kisses down my neck and I bury my fingers in his hair.

"Come with me." He whispers against my collar, goosebumps bloom across my skin and I sigh at the sensation.

"I can't."I respond breathless. I close my eyes as he continues to torture me with his lips.

"Let me change your mind." He says, unbuttoning my jeans. He hasn't even pulled down my zipper and I am already panting.I squeeze his wrist to stop him.

"You are going to be late." I warn, eyeing the SUV at the front.

"They can wait." He responds biting my earlobe.

"Austin..."I  start, but my plea is lost in lust.

Heat consumes by body as I buck against him,my hands fisting around the expensive material of his suit. He holds me steady, blocking my body from view as I am utterly consumed by him.
When I finally open my eyes, he is watching me with complete adoration, slowly buttoning my jeans back up. I unmist my knuckles and smooth out his suit. 

"Ill miss you." He whispers , taking my wrists and kissing them both.

"I'll miss you more." I whisper breathless.He kisses my forehead , before picking up his bags. He walks out turning back one last time before shutting the door behind him. I wait for them to pull out of the driveway before calling my ride.