Everything I Adore (Twenty One Pilots)

Everything I Adore

It was dark. The only light post that was on the street had burnt out long ago. No one ever came to fix it.

The entrance to the cemetery was boarded up and padlocked. Years had passed since the city had closed it down. There wasn't enough room for anyone else.

Tyler crossed the street and stepped up to the old wrought iron gates. His heart was beating faster than it had ever done before. He felt like he was going to explode.

Tyler reached up and grabbed onto the top of the gate. He pulled himself up and over. He landed on the other side with a thud.

Leaves and gravel crunched beneath his sneakers as he made his way down the old and forgotten path. A squirrel scampered away at the sight of his flashlight moving across the ground.

Broken pieces of tombstone littered the ground as well as rotting leaves. There used to be somebody that took care of the place, but he had fled after his wife had passed. Tyler didn't blame the guy.

Most of the graves in the cemetery were from long before even Tyler's grandparents were born. It was beyond full and there wasn't anyone alive any more who could remember any of those who had been buried. The last official records had been burnt in the city hall fire a few years back. All that was left of those who had passed were the crumbling letters etched into thick stone that was laden with cracks.

There was, however, one newer grave. It had been added only a year before the cemetery officially closed. It was in the far, back corner. It was the only grave not completely overrun with weeds. This was the grave that Tyler was there to see.

Tyler looked at all of the stones as he passed them by. He felt bad that there wasn't anyone to remember them anymore. Sometimes he would hop over the back fence and go deeper into the forest and collect flowers and place them on all of the graves that he could still see. He had done it last Christmas Day and almost gave himself frostbite. His mother had been upset.

When he got to the grave that he was there to see, Tyler switched off his flashlight and sat down with his back against the headstone. He leaned back and closed his eyes; taking in the peaceful silence that one could only get at a cemetery in the dead of night.

"I had to sneak out to come and see you, you know," Tyler spoke into the darkness. "Sorry it's been so long. Mom got mad at me last time because I tripped on a root and came home with a bloody leg. She grounded me for it."

A cold breeze blew by and Tyler opened his eyes. He frowned.

"You're family officially left today," he said. "I don't know how they could do that. Not even a single tear."

Tyler weaved his fingers into the grass beside the grave.

"It's like they don't even care that you're still here," he whispered. "I can't remember the last time they came to see you."

Another breeze blew by and Tyler sighed. He moved away from the grave and turned to face it, sitting with his legs crossed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old lighter with some band's sticker plastered onto it.

"I found this over by the tree the other day. It doesn't work anymore, I've tried," Tyler said. He dug up little bit of the ground and placed it in the small hole he had created. "You can't even tell that there was a fire there anymore. Everything grew back. Well, everything except for the tree house."

The wind picked up again and Tyler shoved his hands back in his pockets. He knew he should have dressed warmer, but he liked the bite that the air in the cemetery always had. It was the only way he knew he wasn't alone out there.

Tyler laughed a small, light, humorless laugh.

"I turned eighteen today," he spoke softly. "You should have been there."

Deep within the forest, a bird cried out.

"Remember how you and I always talked about running away once we turned eighteen?" Tyler asked. "We could have been doing that right now. But no. I have to sit here while you're laying down there not even hearing a word I'm saying."

He wiped away a tear. The last thing Tyler wanted to do was cry. He had avoided it for so long. He didn't cry that day. He didn't cry at the service. He didn't cry. He knew that he wouldn't have wanted that.

"Happy birthday to me," he whispered.

He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders shook, whether from the cold or suppressing his sobs he didn't know. Everything hurt within him and it felt like someone was squeezing his heart. It wasn't anything new, though. Tyler had fallen asleep battling the same feeling for five years now.

Suddenly Tyler was surrounded by a gust of warm wind. It seemed to circle around him and the grave, blocking out everything else. With the wind came a surge of emotion and Tyler knew that at that moment it was okay. He knew he was there with him.

Tyler threw himself against the surprisingly warm headstone and wrapped his arms around it tightly. He let out a heart wrenching sob and the tears fell down his face faster than he could keep up with wiping them away. All the loneliness and abandonment and all the bottled up sadness and anger washed out of him like a tidal wave.

"You're an idiot, Josh. A fucking idiot," Tyler sobbed.

It was hours until Tyler had calmed down enough to pull himself away from his best friend's tombstone. The sun was starting to rise and Tyler knew that if he didn't get home soon he would be in a world full of trouble, but he didn't care. Where he was right now was more of a home to him than his house would ever be.

Tyler laid back on the ground and started up at the morning sky. The clouds had started to move in and the rising sun gave everything a pinkish hue. Tyler traced the patterns he saw with his eyes. He even let himself smile a little bit.

"You and I used to spend hours doing this," Tyler said. "Stay out all day and come up with stories for the things we saw in the sky. I miss it."

Off in the distance, a morning bird sang its' song. Tyler closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the sounds of the world waking up and coming to life. He wished his best friend could wake up, too.

"I miss you, Josh," Tyler whispered.

Tyler closed his eyes while he lay on his back. He started off humming along to the tune of the birds, harmonizing with the sweet sounds of the world around him. Soon he was signing a full on song. He didn't know where the tune was from or what the next word to fall from his lips would be, but he didn't care.

The wind picked up, carrying leaves with it as it made its' way through the cemetery. Tyler reached up with his hands and his fingers closed around a small green leaf. Most of the leaves had already turned red and fallen to the ground, but this one hadn't changed its' color yet.

Tyler set the leaf on the ground next to another leaf. This one was brown and frail and looked to have been rotting on the ground for quite some time. Tyler stared at the two. They reminded him of himself and Josh.

Josh, although he was not the smartest kid nor the best under pressure, was lively and bright. He hadn't lived long but he had lived well. He was the green leaf fallen from the tree even though it hadn't been his time to fall.

Tyler on the other hand, was still alive, although he had fallen as well, just in a different way. When Josh had passed, Tyler lost himself. He was young and upset and frustrated and he took it all out on himself, leaving him as nothing more than a ghost of who he used to be. He fell from the tree the night Josh had, but life hadn't been as kind to him. He was the brown, decaying leaf; numb to the world and slowly fading away.

Tyler's song ended when another gust of wind blew the two leaves away. Slowly Tyler stood up and brushed off his pants. He pulled a rock out of his pocket and placed it in the growing pile beside Josh's gave. He had started bringing Josh rocks when he realized that flowers died just a few days after he put them there. He wanted Josh to live forever.

Tyler turned his back on the grave and picked up his flashlight. He made his way down the barely-there path and walked up to the old gates. He pulled himself back over and landed on the sidewalk with a thud.

The only light post on the street, had anyone ever come to fix it, would have turned off by now. It wasn't dark anymore.