Before You Go (Book 1)

2 - quarter after one

"Any luck?" Tommy asked Saint.

"No. Nothing yet." He answered defeatedly.

"You know.. Maybe something important just happened. Or.. Or he's busy." Saint added. Tommy and Jimmy agreed to what he said but their eyes held a different story.

Silence filled the air. Only the few drops of rain outside could be heard.

"I just wished he'd reply to my messages. To let me know that he's okay." Saint said softly.

"Have you spoken to his parents?" Jimmy asked.

Saint took a sip on his drink before he answered.

"I didn't want to intrude. I only met them once and it was for a video promo. I just.. I don't.." Saint searched for the right words but even to him he sounds like he's just spouting excuses.

Tommy and Jimmy looked at each other. Both gave him a sympathetic smile.

He asked both of his co actor friends out for a coffee. It was pure luck that they had agreed to. Usually one of them would refuse. The cafe was nearly empty with only the three of them as customers.

Saint looked outside while Tommy and Jimmy were chatting. The rain was softly pouring down the pavement. It was on a night like this when he fell for the first time.

The knock on the door stole Saint's attention from the television. He was watching a re-run of his old series with Baifern. He walked to the door and peeked on the hole. There was no one. The hallway was empty. Saint opened the door nonetheless.

He jolted when he saw Zee leaning on the wall, standing beside the door. Saint clutched his chest, startled.

"Zee.. You nearly gave me a heart attack." Saint said. Zee remained quiet. Saint noticed his hair was wet and so were his clothes.

"It was raining. I couldn't see the road. I'll stay here until the rain dies down." Zee said before slipping inside Saint's apartment. He didn't even had the chance to answer Zee.

"W-what?" Saint caught up to Zee. The door locked on its own behind him.

"Why? Am I not allowed?" Zee asked. His voice was firm as if he was challenging Saint.

"No. But-"

"Then it's settled then. Get me some dry clothes." Zee started unbuttoning his shirt. His white skin glisten and it was all Saint could focus on.

"Y-you can use the restroom. I'll bring you my clothes." Saint mentally slapped himself.
Zee walked to the restroom as if he owns the place. Taking off his shirt along the way. Saint could see his broad back.

When Zee was nowhere in sight Saint let out breath of relief. It felt like his chest was about to explode. This would be the first time that they would both be alone together after 'that scene 47 rehearsal'.

He rummaged through his closet and looked for the biggest size of clothes that he could find. He knocked on the bathroom door. It slightly opened revealing a hand that asks for the change of clothes. Saint handed it over.

The rain outside refused to stop.

When Zee came out of the bathroom Saint could have sworned the air in his lungs had escaped him. Zee was drying off his hair with a towel. His arms seems to be flexing at every movement. Saint, who was sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard, was confused as to why he feels the way he does. He tried to focus back on his phone but it proved to be difficult. He found himself stealing glances at Zee in a tanktop and boxer shorts. Somehow, it felt like Saint's small apartment became even smaller.

Zee stood at the end of the bed. Saint thought that it might be the best time to let him know of their sleeping situation. He collected a blanket and a pillow.

"You can take the couch." He told Zee with the blanket and pillow in hand.

Zee looked at the bedroom couch then back to the bed.

"I'm gonna sleep on the bed. I will not fit on that couch. I'm too big." Zee declared. He threw the towel on the furniture and crawled on the bed beside Saint.

Saint panicked.

"T-then I'll be the one to sleep on the couch." But before he could stand up Zee had held on to his wrist.

"Your bed is big enough for the both of us." Zee said as he retracted his hand.

Saint slowly laid down beside him. Adrenaline filled him for reasons unknown to him. He turned away from Zee but he could his gaze burning the back of his head. Sleeping will be a problem for him, Saint decided.

He was taking deep breaths to cool down when he felt Zee's thigh grazed his own beneath the blanket. It only occured to him now that they were sharing a blanket. He shut his eyes tigh, praying that Zee wouldn't be able to hear his loud heartbeat.

Saint felt a movement behind him. His back felt warmer. He leaned back only to realized that Zee had moved closer. It was too late to back away. Zee had already clutched on his waist. Their bodies were so close only the thin fabric of their shirts were separating them. Saint could feel Zee's breath at the back of his lips. He stiffened when he felt Zee's lips. Saint's own breath was shaky. He felt Zee's fingertips at the hem of his shirt. Slowly, it went underneath the shirt and onto his skin.

Saint took a deep breath. Zee's hand made it to Saint's chest where he roamed and played with him beneath the shirt making Saint a moaning mess. Zee's other hand slipped below Saint's neck and his palm covered his mouth to contain the sound. Saint held on to both of Zee's hands to stop him. He wiggled trying to free himself of Zee's grasp.

"Saint.. Don't fight it." Zee whispered at the back of his ears. He nibbled on it.

"We shouldn't do this." Saint managed to say.

Zee put his hand back down on Saint's abdomen. His right arm motioned Saint to look at him. And Saint very well did. Their faces only a breath apart. It was then that Saint detected the faint scent of whisky from Zee. Saint looked him straight in the eyes. Zee wants him. He could tell. Zee freed his hands from under Saint's shirt and brushed his knuckles on his cheeks. .

"Saint, I need you now. Please."

On that same night Saint fell. And when he fell, he fell apart.