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nothing was more difficult than losing a loved one . to have them ripped away from you by a cruel twist of fate and to not even get a chance to bid them farewell . perhaps grief was a knife ; and once it was stabbed and sunk into giving flesh , it could twist and infect the mind and heart of the afflicted . it could drive a man insane and puppeteer his actions and write out his near future with a quill dipped in bloodred ink , scratching away at destiny .
perhaps fate had plunged it's knife of grief a little too far and struck a raw nerve of steve rogers one fateful day . it infected his thoughts and his dreams and his desires . it had been a few years since natasha had flung herself off the cliff in vormir and while most people had moved on and dealt with the pain in a healthy way , steve seemingly had not . not accepting the fact that she was indeed dead , he worked tirelessly on his own until he found a way to alter the timelines and bring the black widow back .
but his plans hadn't been entirely successful for the redhead wasn't the same romanoff she had once been . steve had discovered this rather quickly after she had snapped and killed some innocent civilians after about five minutes of being on her own and before attempting to take her own live - several times . steve recognized her for what she truly was but unable to execute the threat , he instead whisked her away to some agents and doctors and scientists that were in charge of a project that was similar to the 'tahiti' one that coulson had gone through and left her in seemingly good hands for a period of time .
but those hands that he had dumped her in were far from kind .
water dripped from a rusty faucet , splashing against the porcelain bottom of the sink that sat in the corner of the room .
drip , drip , drip .
her green hues watched the water appear and then disappear just as quickly , mesmerized by the sight and sound . she reached out with a trembling finger , catching the next droplet on her index finger and dropping the lukewarm water on her tongue .
her lips were so very dried and chapped ; they cracked and bled every time she opened her mouth . the faucet would drip but the water never came out any more than a droplet at a time . she had tried desperately for weeks and broke off the handles in anger and frustration .
the cold , concrete walls surrounded her in every direction . a pad that was supposed to pass for a mattress laid in one corner of the basement and the sink and a toilet sat in the other . the gray walls was hard enough to crack open a skull , so she had learned .
about a week after arriving , the pain from the tests drove her over the edge and into a state of insanity . after a few times of slamming her forehead into the wall , it had split open and soon she was seeing red and tasting a familiar , metallic taste . she lightly touched her head and withdrew her fingers . blood .
it only took a few hours but soon natasha had the walls smeared and coated with her red blood . to resemble the red room , of course . she spent weeks and weeks rocking herself in the basement that was painted red , singing lullabies in russian to herself as she rocked .
waiting for the day that steve had promised to return for her . he had promised that these people would help . that they would make her feel better . but so far all they did was hurt her and lock her up .
she reached out with her finger again to catch the next droplet of water for she was so very thirsty when a rather loud noise from outside of the locked basement room sent her scurrying to the furthest corner and withdrawing into herself . she sat with her back against the wall and her knees up , her arms over her head to guard herself from whatever awaited on the other side of the door .
natasha's skin was pale and bruised and she was much skinnier than what she should have been . her red hair was wild and tangled , her white hospital gown torn and bloodied .
she muttered under her breath in russian , a prayer for protection and mercy - .
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revived and regretful . trapped but liberated ? absolutely torn .
