IRREVOCABLY

1. You know what I'm going to say

Sunday 2 December 2018

~Ylva Niemi Matsen~

You know what I'm going to say George my love, so I don't need to. Maybe that is what I miss about you most. The way you used to read me like a book. How you spoke to me without uttering one single word.

Oh how I miss your eyes on me, daring at first and later with love intertwined between the green and grey.

Our final goodbye. You watching me with wonder, eyes wet with remembrance and your inner struggle between holding on and letting go.

Maybe it was your mouth. The synical smirk - your signature look for anyone who uninvitedly crossed your path. The mouth that drank my tears as your last nourishment on this earth we wrongfully call home.

You know what I'm going to say next, so I won't. I won't say that I am sorry for not visiting you more often. I won't say that I sometimes feel so much anger towards you that I can hardly breathe.

I won't admit, that when all logical thoughts subsides my treacherous body forcefully takes control. I wreck myself with memories of us, our sheer desperation when we realized that we no longer had a choice.

It always ends the same. Warm tears streaming, sobs tearing my already broken body apart. It is killing me, but it's keeping you alive.

~

My time for being nostalgic is over my love. Our beautiful secret is no longer safe. I never imagined it would come to this. What do I do? Do I tell her and in doing so shatter her bubble of a life?

You should see her now, the beautiful being we predicted, well that doesn't come close. Our gift, our little woman who entered our life on a harsh winter's night.

A detective from Washington is on his way over the Atlantic to lead the investigation. He'll be staying at Villa Näcken and we will be right under his nose.

What if it's her George, what if the body they found in the woods is Ava Hexum?