Joyful Death

"Its okay to let go" my mum sobbed.
"I dont want to" tears flowing down my cheeks like a river.
I saw through the side of my eye how my father gently squeezed my mother's shoulder signaling her not to cry infront of me. Am sure he thought in his mind that if she does, i'll break down in uncontrollable tears, he'd be right though. I was on the verge of letting out an ocean.
Why wouldn't i be? When my parents, my sister, my brothers...brithney, jason, shelby, some friends from the neighboorhood, some from church, some from my oxford, some from middle and high school, some from England...they were all around me with teary eyes, not a single sign of smile on their faces.
They all looked at me with pity, that was one of the things i hated. Pity.
Ahead of me were flowers, an empty plate of chocolate icecream, lasagna, leftovers of 2 slice of macaroni cheese pizza, empty box of assorted flavours of frosted donut, leftover Mcdonald's hamburgers, all eaten by me, dont say I eat too much because these were going to be my last food anyways...and cards of not "get well soon" but "we'll miss you" cards.
    
        ***
I remember how yesterday was filled with joy and sadness...it was my sendoff party.
A lot of people came, there was a lot of food even 3 huge chocolate fountain, yum! All my friends came from far and wide....everyone had 5mins to say all the qualities they liked about me and even the annoying qualities but no one really said hateful stuffs about me. Hearing my parents saying how proud they were to have me as a daughter gladened my heart. My sister spoke how am the bestfriend that any sister or person could ever have, about the fun we use to have, the secrets we shared, the boys we dealt with, it was just too much to take in.
My older brother poured out his heart on the mic just to me. My little broher literally used 80% of his time crying and the rest of his time to say 2 touching sentences. He was too young to know about what was going to happen to me but condition made him have that knowledge at an early age of 6. I sat on my wheelchair listening to all their speeches.
  It was like it shouldnt end. That was one of the best 12hours of my life.

         ***
I lay on my hospital bed helplessly with faces circled around me. My skin was pale, my eyes were hazey and weak, around it was purplish red with eye-bags underneath, with my cheek bones popping out. I was skinny beyond measures. My body felt numb, only found it easy to blink, cry and give a weak smile.
Pains, fear, agony, sorrows were my closest companion at that moment, my demons were at the corner waiting to recieve me but lucky for me Father nicholas was here to disappoint them.
I was given the opportunity to confess my sins and accept christ as my saviour.
I even told and described how i wanted my funeral to be. I wanted my coffin to be white and pure gold. In the venue of the funeral should be lots of bright flowers and florescent white lighting decorated everywhere kinda like christmas lighting but this should only be one colour, white. The dress code should be white. With candlelights shining all around. And a video display of my pictures and videos from the projector on the big screen. Starting from my birth to daycare to kindergarten to elementary to middle to high school and then college. There should be pictures of I in swimming pools, expensive restaurants, parties, school, church, at home, in bed, eating, playing, graduations, a whole lot...and videos of me being joyful and crazy.
I described the whole funeral in detailed like I was the planner, ha! how funny! When i will actually be the dead celebrant, how sad!
I have been through thick and thin in this life, but unfortunately I have to end it at 18.

After I had announced my young will to the inheriters and had given everyone the responsibilties I would like them to perform while am gone and bidded everyone individually there, their very own goodbye with additional speech. Which was all done 5 hours ago, I asked them all for a favor.

When they agreed, i asked them all to sing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" with me. What a last wish.
Without hesitation they all agreed...
'Twinkle twinkle little star
How i wonder what you are
Far above the world so ...'
I never got to finish the last two lines. Pain, fear and agony weren't my closest companion anymore...peace replaced them all.
I was floating in an empty void of darkness, i felt as cold as ice but yet no sense of feeling.

It was a feeling of déjà vû

I looked down and saw everyone quiver in fear when they must have realized that I stopped singing with them. I saw my mother break down in the arms of my father. My sister consoled my little brother but she was also consoled by my elder brother. Jason shook my lifeless body continuously, how painful it was to see your girlfriend die infront of your eyes. Brithney ran out to call the doctor. Father nicholas was praying for my soul and everyone else were weeping and consoling eachother.

  All of which were too late for I had already been carried on the wings of death to the land of freedom. Heaven.