T-shirts

So there's this boy.
He's different. (I know...)
But let me finish

He's got the sweetest smile
And the most amazing eyes
Blue-green, like the sea
And he's taller than me
He's so strong
But also-so gentle
How is that?

This boy,
He wants desperately to be a man (for me)
He wants to take care of me,
He says that
I've been doing it alone for too long.
And he's right- I have
I know that I have .
He seems so genuine but-
Can I be honest?

I'm scared.
I've been hurt too much.
It's not that I'm scared
That he'll hurt me-
He would never.
I'm just realizing-
That my hesitation is because-
What if I hurt him?

He says I couldn't.
I know that I could.
I have so much baggage,
And opening up to him
It's so hard because
I want to keep it to myself
I don't want to give it to him.
I'm not scared he's going to run
Although admittedly,
I was.

But...
He is different.
He may not completely be able to understand-
My pain-
But he understands that I'm hurting,
And that's enough.

He thinks I'm fierce
And he calls me beautiful
When my hair is a mess
And I've taken my face off
He tells me I'm the best thing
That's ever happened to him
I'm so afraid to hurt him

I'm his first,
For a lot of things
And let's just say-
I've made my way around.
I want him to be my last though.
Perhaps I say that every time,
And he's just another,
But I mean it (every time).

I'm so sick of hurting-
Of being afraid.
He makes me feel stronger
I wish that was enough
The truth is,
I will always be like this.
Messed up and broken.
Damaged.
I've learned (the hard way)
That people don't change for shit-
Including me.

I should leave him
I need to protect him (from me)
And yet,
Every night,
I find myself sleeping
In another one
Of his old t-shirts.