Comeback

Night out

"50," James grunted as he counted his last push up and dropped on the floor, breathing heavily.

Lauren chuckled beside him, "Don't work yourself out too hard, you just got back to the gym."

"Need to forget, Lau," James said quietly.

Lauren's face automatically became somber. "You got to give this to her, James. She'll come back when she's ready."

James sat up and looked at Lauren, fear in his eyes. "What if she never comes back?"

Lauren squatted down in front of James, and put her hands on his shoulders. "Then you make her come back, bro. Make her want you again. Just don't rush it. You don't want to push her away. For now you should just.. work on yourself."

James nodded, deep in thought.

He hasn't spoken to Nadine since the night the joint statement was released. He knew it was coming, and when the messages came in droves, he knew it just came out. He had this hollow pit in his stomach, even though he knew this was for the best and that he and Nadine had talked about it, it still fucking hurt. He couldn't help it. He had to talk to her. So he called her.

She answered in one ring. "It's out."

James sighed. "Love. I know we've discussed this but... can't we work this out? You said yourself you still love me. And I never stopped loving you. Please."

Nadine sighed. "Yes I do love you. But I have to love myself first. And I can't do that when I'm around you."

They've been over this maybe a hundred times. Nadine wanted a break and James didn't, not really, but he understood why she needed it. And James respected her decision. It was tough though, being so far and not being able to do anything.

Now that he was back, it was even harder and it was all he could do to not rush over to her condo and ask her to take him back.

But he had to. For both their sakes.

***
It's been 5 days since they last talked and Nadine couldn't help but miss James. She missed him terribly. She hasn't seen him since he got back and she's been doing her best to keep herself busy. She was hoping to see him last night when she went out but it seemed he went somewhere else.

She asked for this. She wanted this. And as liberating as it felt to finally be able to focus on herself again, she couldn't stop herself from thinking if they can still work it out. Was this distance really needed? Was this space really necessary? Because it hurt so fucking much.

When she and James went up Mt. Ulap a little after new year, Nadine had finally put her foot down and asked to break up. She had been feeling out of sorts in the relationship for a while now and had wanted to cool off but James refused. But here, up on the mountain, while watching the sunset and facing the endless horizon, James finally gave in.

"I need to find myself again, James. I made you my world the past 4 years. Walang may kasalanan. Nature ko kasi talaga yun, I give everything, I hold nothing back."

He was crying, quietly, and it broke her heart to see him this way.

"I just hope you had fucking said no, Nadine. I wanted to always have you by my side because I enjoy being with you and I love you, but if you had refused I wouldn't have taken it against you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like my groupie."

Nadine shook her head and took his hand, while he kissed it and held it against his closed eyes. "Nature mo din kasi James to ask and ask. Ganun ang dynamics natin. And it's not healthy. We're no longer good together. Ayoko na. Ayoko na muna."