the centre of every poem is this:
i have loved you. i have had to deal with that.
—Salma Deer
i. I didn’t know I was lonely until I was with you. I craved in you something that you just didn’t have.
ii. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, you just didn’t know how to love me.
iii. I was unlovable for a long time. Unattainable. Undesirable. Unaffected. Unreal.
iv. When did you realize it wasn’t me you were loving? I was a hollow shell and you… filled me. Was it like loving a reflection?
v. I am many things yet I didn’t recognize who I saw when I looked at myself.
vi. I didn’t want to fail again. I didn’t want to be alone.
vii. You were beautiful above me. I always wondered if you thought the same of me falling.
viii. I didn’t know how to give up. Losing control required me to give you apart of myself that I just didn’t have.
ix. I didn’t want to be seen with him because I didn’t want people wondering why he looked like you.
x. The monster in the closet has a face and it’s lonely.
xi. The day I cut my hair was the day I saw you in the mirror.
xii. I was happy it rained that day; it gave me comfort to know I wasn’t the only one crying.
xiii. I didn’t know whom I missed more: me when I was with you or you when I was with me.
xiv. You were an illusion I wanted to see but it’s impossible to grab on to fog. So I breathed you in.
xv. I was born of the beach, the ocean beckoning me closer. I had to remind myself aquariums are a bad substitute for the real thing.
xvi. If you feed a stray dog scraps it’ll always come back for more. I didn’t want to keep coming back for you.
xvii. I would never have done to you what you have done to me. Maybe it was never you in the mirror.
xviii. I was alone and lonely. But I was back home.
YOU ARE READING
Him
PoetryI lost him in the silence but found myself in the uproar. We were flawed. Interesting. Comfortable. Ended. To the things I wished I said but didn't. Because you can't fall without getting hurt.
