DCF, department OF children & families, not department FOR children & families. They changed the name slightly right before l went into their care. When I was a kid I was so full of ideas of how l was going to change the world. The businesses I'd run, the things I'd do, places I'd go and people I'd meet.. but as l got older, like you'd expect.. these ideas evolved. When l was 14, common age this happens at by no mistake l was put into programs and developed an eating disorder. l became so hung up on the image of beauty and starving my soul to perfection that l lost sight of who l was before that.. instead of thinking about how l was going to change the world my thoughts circulated around how l would be able to puke myself up without staff noticing. l felt like my life amounted to no more than being thin. And now, I know I'm worth so much more than that, but my ideas.. they don't feel the same as they once did.. l have just next to absolutely no idea what l want to "do" in life. I have so many ideas, but when I was a child they were concrete, even if I had changed my mind about one thing I wanted to do I still had a solid idea of how I would incorporate the rest of what I liked to do into the one. Now that l have focused all of my energy into manifesting the image of beauty for so long and succeeded l trapped myself inwards & I'm still trying to get free but I'm close. They used my own magic against me. This image that was given to me by NO mistake, this image that l strived for and wasted 5 years of life and potential on was my downfall but a year ago I said no longer. It's funny that for so long l was suicidal but underneath my words I knew l didn't want to die, l wanted so badly to live, to love.. to not be on so much pain so young. it was never that I wanted to kill my self, It was that l wanted to murder part of myself, my ego. They wanted me to believe that this facade was actually me & to kill the self lying beneath it, the one that's been screaming inside my lungs for so many years to break free. Dcf is just a subgenre of government that wants to support new world order & silence the visionaries. They place youth into certain categories, colors, groups.. the ones with the most potential are the ones who are hit the hardest. They've tried so hard to throw me off of my path and I've spent the last 5 years fighting back and rolling with the punches. They want people to submit, act against their own self interest & kill you before your body even dies by taking your word and replacing it with their own. Taking your pure soul and using alchemy to shift it into ego. They took away all of my outlets in an attempt to make me forget a time when I could produce my own happiness without getting high, starving myself.. electronics and replaced my outlets with group therapy, medication, restraints, & abuse..
They want me to fail, and l wanted to FEEL. for a bit l thought I wouldnt live to see 28 but I don't accept that. I'm taking back what's mine & there is not a single soul or soulless fucking creature that will EVER stop me. When l was 15, a facility named high point in middleborp opened an adolescent unit. I was in the second group of patients to be admitted after it was first opened. This facility tested an experimental medication on teenagers as young as 13 up to about age 20. I believe this medication is meant to make you more suggestive but what it does is it takes your full range of emotions and clouds them so you feel nothing but numb. It makes you tired, sluggish.. overweight. Eventually, overtime it depletes brain cells at a disturbing rate, causes memory loss & can kill you when administered properly. They were shut down of course but none of this made the news and children are still being fed this shit in other facilities.
