I Am Not Insane

Prologue

          I was angry. No, not angry. I was furious. The kind of furious where you can't think straight, where your eyes pour hot tears, and your hands clench into fists. I push even further down on the gas, feeling the roar of my engine as I fly down the empty road. The forest around my zips past, and my Dutch Shepherd, Knight, sleeps peacefully in the back. We are never going back, and although I had no time to pack, at least I have Knight.

          I hear my phone ringing once again, and 'His' name pops up on the screen of my car. I'm tempted to just throw my phone out the window while I'm speeding away, but I need evidence. Clicking decline, I continue driving. The sun is setting, which gives a golden light to the forest. It has a very calming feeling as opposed to my catastrophic one.

          My favorite song suddenly pops up on my screen. I wipe the tears clouding my vision and turn up the volume. My foot presses even further on the gas pedal. I realize I should slow down, but whatever gets me away fastest.

Knight makes a soft 'yip' noise through his snores in the back. The poor pup must be having a nightmare. I reach my arm back and pat his side to calm him. His soft fur soothes me, but all too soon, I turn back as to not distract myself from driving. My music cuts showing yet another phone call. Forcefully, I shove the decline button once again, and my music continues. Tears stream from my eyes like waterfalls, once more clouding my vision. I reach to wipe them away. Suddenly, while removing my tears, everything goes from bad to worse.

          My car plumps into a pothole before jumping into the air. Slamming back to the road, the car squeals like a pig and juts to the left. My heart becomes a hummingbird, and my body a statue as we start flipping. The full second it takes for the first full turn, all I can hear is Knight barking from the back.

          Then we continue on a twisted carousel ride to the point I lose all hope of direction. It is in this exact moment I sympathize with flour in a blender. Knight yelps behind me, and I think that piercing sound is me screaming.

Just like that, it ends with one last crunch and a slam. Looking up, I realize my tin can has now twisted around a large pine tree. One that I would've begged my parents to let me build a treehouse in. Mission accomplished?

Knight whimpers from somewhere, and I frantically search for him. Since the car now lays sideways, I feel disoriented until I find Knight at the bottom of the vehicle. I need to get to Knight. He needs me.

I yank at my seatbelt, but it refuses to click open. Feeling chaos release inside me, I start clawing animalistically at the stupid belt. It cuts into my side, and it dawns on me that perhaps that is why I'm starting to feel numb.

Knight yips at me, breaking me from my trance. Wait, I have a pocket knife in the glove box. Bending down, I reach at possibly the worst angle I've ever been in. My fingers clasp the handle, which I tug open. My side starts burning, and my head is feeling incredibly light.

Ignoring the pain, or lack thereof, I reach for the small knife sitting on the shelf. Tauntingly, it is just beyond my grasp as I pathetically wave my arms at it. My fingers just barely graze the top, twitching it. Oh, come on!

Knight scoots his head into view and gives out a soft whimper. Not my poor baby. After everything we have been through, it can't just end here. Not even this car crash is going to stop me. I've got this!

Giving it everything I didn't know I have, I can wrap my hand around the knife. Climbing back to my seat, I hear Knight puff out in a struggled breath. I need to hurry.

Shakily, I open the knife and saw it against the belt. After a couple of tries, it snaps apart, though I forgot to account for gravity, and my head slams against the opposite door. Black dots swim across my vision. Pain blooms across my whole body like a searing hot rod.

Knight nudges me with his nose. Oh lord, Knight! I scramble to an upright position and course my fingers through his fur. Like a mother to her baby, I 'shh' and coo at him, though can't tell if it's more for him or myself.

Somewhere far away, tires screech, and a door slams. I am muttering 'it'll be okay' to Knight over and over and over again. A yell for 911 barely reaches my ears as I run my hands through Knights' fur. He has stopped whimpering and just looks up at me with sad broken eyes. Whoever is yelling, could you stop? The words pound into my head like a jackhammer. Knights' beautiful fur feels wet. Oh well, he was due for a bath anyway.

A blinding light floods my car. Knight flinches away and moves his head into my lap. The light is so bright, too bright. Everything is spinning, except for Knight. My good boy lays perfectly still in front of me.

Man, it is hot, and is it just me, or is it getting dark. Darkness swims in my eyes quite invitingly. What harm would a quick nap do? Knight licks my head softly. Oh, wait. I can't fall asleep I need to stay awake for his sake.

My body is getting heavier, and I think I don't a choice in passing out. Suddenly, it clicks in my mind that somehow my song is still playing through the speakers. Miraculously, they survived the crash. It's the last thing I remember before the darkness takes over.

'Being me can only mean

Feeling scared to breathe

If you leave me, then I'll be afraid of everything.

That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down.

Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up

Let me breathe.'