Disarray

Chapter Twenty-four

          He sat down on a bench, so concentrated on thinking; he nearly tripped over an uneven stone. Rylan stared at a tree, focusing his gaze on something so he could think without the distraction of his eyes.

          He had lost his memory of the past two sevendays.  In addition, to worsen his troubles, he was told he had been unlike himself during that time, which meant he could have said or done anything. It greatly perturbed him that for a seemingly long time, he wasn’t himself, literally.

          Rylan blamed himself, if he had had the strength to resist Zayleth’s poison, he would have been able to save Raelein’s life. He felt responsible for her pain, the very pain that willed her not to live. If she ever recovered, perhaps she could forgive him.

          As for Aden, he sympathized for him, wishing that he could help overcome things easier. He blamed himself for far more than Rylan did, and had a much harder time letting things go. He could see the masked pain in his eyes, and it upset him to know that he was hiding it to ease the minds of those around him. Aden was often unselfish to the point of neglecting himself, though he barely realized it. He ignored his heart to make others comfortable, he regularly directed the conversation away from the subject of himself, and rarely asked for favors for fear of inconveniencing someone. Rylan and Aden had always been like brothers, and he felt guilty if he ever caused even a fraction of his pain.

          Rylan felt a tickle on his face, and wiped away a tear. He had not noticed that he was weeping, so he immediately dried his cheeks, and took a deep breath. His heart felt so tender, as if one meager thought could send him into hysterics. He hated how powerless he felt, as if nothing he could do could change what his own weakness had caused, the crippling guilt of his best friend, and the possible death of the woman he loved.

          Rylan stood, and shuddered as he sighed. He continued to walk toward the infirmary, unfazed by the momentary delay. He was shocked by how much everything had changed in the past few months. Rylan had shifted from being a meager dweller in a tiny town, to being the current and future savior of Ubaria. Even the thought of such a drastic change made his head swirl with lingering surprise. The enduring astonishment was not the only thing that remained, the question he’d asked himself each day lingered as well: “Why me?”

          As inquisitive as he was to know the answer, it would be a long while before the reason was made known to Rylan. Though he didn’t realize it yet, he had already been told why, he simply had not understood.

“I am going to dinner,” Malifar stated when he arrived. “Stay with her until I return. If she deteriorates, try to give her healing juice. It might delay her death and give us more time to save her.” Rylan was slightly alarmed by his words, but nodded anyway.

“Delaying her death”? He not yet considered that her passing might be, no matter what they did, inevitable. He had thought about her dying, but he had never considered what would really happen if she did, for he could not bring himself to face the thought.

          Malifar turned and left abruptly, as if he wished to leave and return as swiftly as possible. Rylan returned to his usual seat near Raelein’s bed, and sighed deeply. It depressed him each time to see her like this: shockingly pale, unresponsive, and barely clinging to life.

          He took her hand in his, and gently kissed it. His heart ached; it ached with both sorrow and guilt. Rylan brushed away a stray curl, similar to the way she often did.

          The small action woke the red fairy, and she sleepily flew to his shoulder, and sat. She said not a word, nor did he. Though he still wondered why she was here, he didn’t dare ask. Perhaps it was this one fairy she shared a true friendship with, for no others came to stay by her side. However, perhaps she was simply the first to volunteer. He did not know, he doubted he ever would.

That evening, Malifar was nearly forced to escort Rylan harshly out the door. He insisted he had stayed long enough for the day, and suggested he return to his quarters to rest. Naturally, Rylan resisted his persistence, but even such a stubbornness as his own was ineffective against Malifar’s set determination.

          He grudgingly walked back to his room, wishing he could have remained with Raelein. He felt she was safer around him, as if he was the only one that could properly protect her.

          The forest was a welcoming sight, each tree bore the cloak of moonlight, and shrouded by the shade of dusk. The atmosphere was a deep blue, and the light of the glowing moon was pure and bright, its soft beams emitting the ideal amount of illumination along the pathway.

          The magnificent view only made Rylan long for Raelein’s company ever more. On a night such as this, they would be silently strolling through the same forest, each of their hearts warmed by the presence of the other. He wished to, some day, walk the paths of Islea as they did before.

          Rylan yawned as he entered the hallway of the sleeping hall, tiredness had finally decided to play its roll. Aden was already asleep when he arrived. He was rather grateful for this, he was not in the mood to speak to anyone.

          He pulled his sleeping furs around him, chilled by the frosty breeze wafting in from the window, which he had naught the energy to close. Thoughts lazily wandered through his mind, occupying the few minutes he had before he fell asleep.