Lucky 13

What hurts the most - part 1

Rachel woke up the next morning and got changed, making her way downstairs where the rest of the girls were opening their remaining presents. "Good morning everyone, Merry Christmas."

"Morning, Rach. Coffee?" Fiona grinned, handing her a cup, which Rachel took with a small nod.

"Have any of you seen Micaela?"

"She went out on a date." Nicola said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Rachel covered her mouth as she choked on her coffee, Lee had to come over and smack her on the back until she stopped.

"Some red headed lassie picked her up earlier."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Rachel muttered, her voice clearly shaking.

Nicola laughed, "Of course I'm kidding ya fucking dafty. She's in the shower, keep your knickers on."

Rachel glared at her across the table as Lee, Davey, Nicola, Leanne and Fiona all roared with laughter.

"That's not funny." Rachel folded her arms.

"What's not funny?" Micaela said as she walked into the kitchen, the girls were all too busy laughing to say anything and Davey just shook his head.

"Nothing--" Rachel started, but she was interrupted by Jo.

"Nicola told Rachel that you were away out on a date."

"At this time? It's 9:30am...More fool you for believing her, Rachie."

Rachel rolled her eyes, pouring herself some more coffee.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Does it look like I'm ready? Can I have a cup of coffee first? My parents aren't expecting us till like...lunchtime." Rachel shrugged and Micaela sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I'm fine."

"...Are you nervous? About spending Christmas with my parents?"

"No...."

Rachel laughed. "You so are! Mickey, you know they love you. They loved you then and they'll love you now."

"Why would I be nervous? It's not as if we're back together." Micaela shrugged.

"Yet." Nic whispered under her breath, which resulted in Hayley and Jo kicking her under the table.

"Hey!"

"That's plenty!" Jo warns and Nicola simply grins at her.

"Can we please go now, Rach?"

Rachel sighed and got up from where she was sat. "Sorry troops, I'm gonna have to love you and leave you. The boss says it's time to go."

Micaela rolled her eyes, picking up her car keys. She walked to where Laura was sat, hugging her from behind. She knew how difficult this Christmas would be for Laura - the first Christmas without Kat. She knew that Laura was living a half life, a shadow of herself.

"Love you, Monty."

"Love you kiddo. Enjoy yourselves. Behave. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." She smiled sadly and stood up, pulling Micaela into a hug.

"Ready Mickey?"

"Suppose so." Micaela shrugged and pulled away from Laura. She wanted nothing more than to spend Christmas here, with Laura, but she knew that she and Rachel had a lot of difficult conversations to have and Laura would want her to concentrate on those, not on her.

—

Micaela had been driving almost 45 minutes before either of them plucked up a conversation, and Micaela wished it wasn't her having the first say in what was about to unfold.

"I don't remember seeing you at Kat's funeral."

"I was there, Micaela. You were, but you weren't at the same time. I saw you, but they warned me about keeping my distance. You were bedded by 10, I'm not surprised you don't remember." Rachel said, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"I don't remember seeing you."

"You were so out your face, I'm glad we didn't speak. The person I saw that day was not the person I fell in love with."

"You were never in love with me, Rach." Micaela muttered.

"Are you fucking serious? I never loved anyone as much as I loved you. I know I fucked up when I slept with Lisa, but I swear I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No pun intended, but you royally fucked up..." Micaela ran a hand through her hair and glanced at Rachel before turning back to concentrate on the road.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"I hoped I'd never see you again."

"I guess I deserve that." Rachel laughed a little.

"Do you remember what you said to me the first day we met?"

Rachel nodded, "Aye, I told you you had a beautiful smile. It's still beautiful, even if I haven't seen it very often this time around."

Micaela smirked, "What've I told you about flirting with me, Corsie?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I've been thinking...."

"Did it hurt?"

"Shut up. I've been thinking about how I don't want to give up what I have in Utah just yet...."

"In other words, you don't want to try again." Micaela presumed.

"That's not what I'm saying...."

"Isn't it? Because I'm not doing the long distance thing again. Why am I here, Rach?" Micaela knew as soon as she asked that she wasn't going to be happy with the answer.

"I just...I wanted to spend time with you before I left..."

Micaela didn't even know if she wanted to spend the next 3 days playing nice with Rachel and her family, but when she parked the car up outside Rachel's parents house and she saw Rachel's brother Martin waiting for them, she knew she didn't have much of a choice.

Before she got out the car, Rachel grabbed her hand. "Can we pretend we never had this conversation?"

"I'm not putting on a show for anyone. You can; but I certainly won't." Micaela pulled her hand away and opened the door, getting out so she could speak to Martin.

This was going to be a long weekend.