Decisions

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I showed Brian. He seemed concerned and gave me a hug. He knew this would hurt me, alot. I didn't want her to suffer, and I knew it must be painful. I hugged Brian back, and softly tugged on his shirt. "What if they can't find someone to replace her kidney?" I asked, starting to cry. Brian hugged me tighter. "They will." He assured me. "What if they don't want to-" I started, but Brian cut me off. "She's going to be okay, if you worry to much you'll end up there again." He said, he patted my head and rubbed it softly. "I'll try..." I managed to get out, I was kind of muffled by me being shoved into him basically. "No, promise me you wont worry to much. Or go back to that point." He said. "I promise..."

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We left the park after that. Brian drove me home. I climbed in bed and sat there with my phone. I constantly refreshed the feed for updates, until I eventually fell asleep. When I woke up there still wasn't an update. I became frantic as I tried to calm myself by listening to her music. It seemed to worry me more thinking I wouldn't get to hear any new tones from that beautiful voice of hers. I hid, wrapped in covers and pillows in my bed. I broke one side of my headphones but I didn't care. I was too worried about her to care about my own well being. I sat like that for several hours until my mom made me come down to eat. I didn't want to. She had to force me out of bed and threaten to take my phone away before I would listen.
I ate a few bites and waited for everyone else to finish before I stood up an left the table. I didn't even bother to put my plate up. I got a few messages from Brian asking if I was okay and if I wanted to talk but I ignored them. He probably was really worried.. but Billie's health mattered more than my own right now. I fell asleep listening to her music.

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It's been a exactly 2 days, 5 hours, 7 minutes and 38 seconds since that post. She hasn't updated anything and I'm starting to think the worst. Did she die? If she did who was the fucker that didn't help her? Who wouldn't help such a beautiful, perfect, goddess of a person? Not to mention my health check up was coming in soon. I hate needles. This isn't a very good week for me. Though, none of them are really.. The next day after tomorrow is when my appointment is. I'm getting blood work done and some samples. My doctor suspects I may have a issue with an internal organ so I'm also getting an ultrasound. Never had one of those before, let's hope it isn't as bad as my science teacher says it is. I'll fall asleep early today after I'm done refreshing her feed. I did that for an hour and then fell asleep. I need to fix my sleeping schedule.

When I woke up, she had updated. "Sorry the wait, still no matches yet but I'm still kicking bitches! You can't get rid of me that easily! I'll say hi to satan for you if they still can't find one though ;)" I stared at my screen and read it over and over and over until my head spun. I wasn't called to dinner so I didn't eat. I sat there, phone in hand, wrapped up in my bedding material rocking myself and bitting one of my nails. Brian texted me. I ignored it again. This went on for a few more minutes before I looked at it. He's really good at making me feel better. Even though I ignored him, he still sent encouragement and love. He's a good friend. An amazing friend. I got up and grabbed my sketchbook. I drawed vents, normal drawings even though I had a bad case of the same face syndrome. Then I got on my phone again. I found a small app. "Watt pad" I downloaded it. There I could find many stories.... of many... many different kinds. I starting reading Billie fan-fiction. Not my proudest moment but by god my most spent. I read over 35 stories and saved them all in the time I had it today. I have a problem... I read and read and I didn't want to stop but my fatigue said otherwise.

When I woke up, my mom was about to wake me. I pretended to be asleep though eventually I gave in. "Come one dear, you have your appointment today." My mom said, as she drug me out of bed. I began to protest but I knew I would never win that argument. I got dressed and we headed out the door. My sisters didn't have an appointment so they stayed home. We drove for what seemed like years, but in actuality was only a hour or two. I read the entire way there. We got in and I made a b-line towards the seats. I chose one of my liking and sat down to wait for my mom. She came back and sat down with me. "They said it will take a few minutes." She said, I turned back on my phone and began reading my fan-fiction. I read until my mom nudged me signaling it was time to go in. My doctor came into our small room. He did the normal check up then preped my arm to take a needle. He then inserted the needle and began to take my blood. He filled 5 small viles of blood. Then, as he took the viles he walked me over to the ultrasound room. There was a kind lady there who told me to lift my shirt. I did so, being sure not to uncover to much. She made me lay down on a medical bed and placed towls around me and then sprayed a warm liquid on my stomach. She then proceeded to jab me with a stick and press really hard while occasionally flipping me for more angles.

She helped me clean the liquid off when we were done. She walked me back to my room and I sat with my mom patiently waiting for the results.

The doctor came back. "You're blood work came out clean. You don't have anything wrong with any of your organs." He said. "However, you are a match for a transplant that could save someone's life. They are in a near hospital." He said. My mom started to say something in protest of me doing it, but I cut her off. "What kind of transplant?" I asked. "Kidney. It will be a risky procedure, but we have the best surgeons to do it." He explained. "May I know the patient's name?" I asked, in my mind, I knew it wasn't true. But I hoped it was. I hoped I could save my celebrity crush.
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"Billie Eilish." Was all I needed to hear, and he said it.

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