Celebrates the return of that who was once dead to the Land.
Like the Land once had done for me.
And I find myself to be unable to rid myself of this feeling, this love, this love that I do not want, that I do not deserve.
Because it was I who pulled the trigger, wasn't it?
And here I sit, in front of my camp with the infected band hurting and pulsing around my wrist, the band that I have not cured.
Even when the Source offered to bandage my wrist, forgiving me for Todd.
But I could not take it.
I do not deserve it.
And so it hurts here, as a reminder, a reminder of what could've been. Of the first and greatest mistake I have made in my role as the Sky, a mistake that could have destroyed the Land.
And what a failure of a Sky I would have been.
But fate deemed fit to return him to this world and rectify my mistake, and although I am forgiven, I do not feel forgiven. Especially as there is still one who does not forgive me.
The Knife's one in particular, Viola.
So how can I forgive myself? What possibly could lift the burden on my wrist, the band that still streaks '1017' on my terribly discoloured arm?
And I know the answer to my question before I even think it.
But I do not hope. I don't deserve that hope.
Because hope is a delicate thing, and the fulfilment of that hope is the greatest absolution of sin.
And I can not let myself take that hope.
I hear some rustling on the front door of my little cavern-room and the pulling back of drapes, I turn around, ready to scold whoever comes in, to tell them that the Sky does not want to be disturbed.
But when I turn around I find my voice chokes.
***
"You- why did you come?", I show in surprise.
"Why do you think?", the Knife shows, and I realise he is speaking in the voice of the Land, but I do not ponder on it further-
"No-", I immediately show, not really knowing to what I am saying it to, "No. I do not know what business you have with me, but I do not want to hear it-"
"I have much more than business with you", he shows not unkindly, and I see that he has something under his arms.
I see that he has a roll of bandages.
I do not know what to say. Every part of me wants me to tell him to leave me. To begone from here and to never lay eyes on me.
But I find I can't because-
I already feel his voice-
His voice, it is so unmistakably the voice of the Land that I almost believe I am talking to one of my own.
(Maybe I am-)
And I see it seeping into mine and swirling within it-
And inside all of that Noise-
Inside all of it is forgiveness.
Pure, unfettered absolution. Of everything I've done to him. Of how terribly I responded to him when he saved my life. Of how I almost killed his one in particular. Of how I almost killed his father, the Source.
Of how I almost killed him.
And he does not even show hesitation in his voice, not a drop of it. He simply looks upon me and feels regret, grief and sadness.
For me.
"Sit down.", he commands.
"I am the Sky. I will not be ordered by-" I show before he interrupts,
"I find that I don't care, sit down and show me yer wrist."
And for a second I prepare myself to protest, but I see the look in his too-small eyes and I slowly sit down. He sits himself down on the empty chair I have in front of me and signals to show my wrist.
"No, I can not, you come into my camp without warning and order me around-", but he is not listening. He fumbles around with the roll of bandages and cuts them in small rectangles with his scalpel. Then he grabs my wrist. I flinch away from him, and I realise how much pain there is in my wrist when I swing it around too much.
He just raises his hands and stares, waiting. Waiting for me.
And I do not say anything. I do not, I absolutely do not give him my wrist.
But then I find that I start lowering it.
Like it's not even in my control, even though it is. And I realise The Knife is unconsciously persuading me to show my wrist, not in a controlling way, but calmly and kindly.
Kindness I do not deserve. I can not, should not receive.
(But he believes I should-)
And without realising it he is already rolling the bandage around my arm. It stings terribly as the medicine seeps into my blood, but I do not flinch away this time. He finishes rolling the bandages and then sets down his scalpel.
I'm the first one to speak, "But why? Why are you so quick to forgive me? Why are you so quick to look over everything I've done not only to you but also the people you hold dear?"
And he just looks up at me and shows, "Because I know what it's like to kill. And if I can help you forgive yerself, even just a little, then I have to. You and me carry the same burden. And even though it's weird to admit, we're connected. Whether you like it or not."
I just look at him, and I think about the word 'connected' and I realise how much better my wrist is starting to feel.
"And please," The Knife shows, "Call me Todd."
And I do not say anything for a moment.
But then I nod.
And I think for a moment-
And then I show-
I open myself as far as possible-
And I show, "I am sorry, Todd... For everything."
"I am sorry, too", he says.
And I know what he means.
Forgiveness
Start from the beginning
