The Other Side

Part 2

I will not put warnings on any of the other chapters, if rape, abuse, depression and self-harm or torture make you uncomfortable please do not read this. R&R, let me know what you think.

Yours truly
Talia
xx

Jay's pov:

I'd been staying with Antonio for a day now, he was really in a bad place. He was saying that he wanted to go back to work, that it would help him, I wasn't too sure, but I called Voight. He said Antonio can come back, but will be sent home if anything happens. So we were getting ready to go to the district when I heard Antonio's phone ring, I didn't think anything of it, until he started shouting 'shut up, that's not true' in Spanish, down the phone. I thought he could just be having an argument, so I left him, it stopped about ten minutes later. It was silent so I assumed everything was okay, until I heard soft sobbing coming from Antonio's room. I walked over, pushed the door slightly, so I could see what he was doing. He was sitting in a corner, knees to his chest with his head on his knees, crying. I slowly walked over and sat in front of him, with my legs crossed. I just sat there, I knew that he knew I was there, so I let him just use my presence to calm down. He calmed slightly and as the crying slowed he lifted his head and dropped his knees down to the floor. He was just sat there, I pulled his head to my chest, so he could use my heartbeat and breathing, and match his to it. I just sat there with him for a minute, he was a total wreck at the moment. We say there or a few minutes before Antonio broke the silence.
"Why are you doing this for me, Jay?" He asked weakly, although he'd stopped crying his breath was still shaky.
"I know how you feel, I've been through it before. It was before I joined Intelligence, I had just lost my Mum, I was struggling with the loss. I started to cut, one day it got so much that I climbed to the top of my apartment block and stood on the ledge. One of my neighbours must have called it in because the next thing I knew, Jules was talking me down. I'm happy she did now. It wasn't the same way that we got there, but it's the same feeling. I don't want to see someone else get to that point, or further and not see the light of day again." I was almost crying because of the memories. He looked at me like I'd just made that up to help him, so I took a deep breath and rolled my sleeve up to show the scars that covered my arms and wrists. He looked at me in disbelief.
"Don't be ashamed to answer this truthfully, and I have to ask, so do you ... you know ... cut?" I asked tentatively, as I knew how sensitive of a subject this was. He looked down and but his lip, I saw him playing with the edge of his sleeve, I looked back up and so did he, the only response was a nod, but it was brave of him to admit it.
"It's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed." I told him, knowing how he felt because of his obvious discomfort and the fact that I'd been there.
"I do have to be embarrassed though, I'm just weak." He said, he was such a strong guy, hearing him say that he was weak was almost ridiculous.
"No, you're not weak, you've just been strong for too long. You're not alone, me, Erin, Voight, Ruzek, Olinsky, even Mouse, we're here for you, no matter what." I told him, he looked slightly lighter.
"Thank you." He whispered, I gave his shoulder a squeeze as a show of 'don't thank me'. We finished getting ready for work and left the house.

When we arrived at the district, I saw Antonio was hesitant, like everyone would look down on him. I looked over to him, and saw the fear in his eyes, he was scared that they'd ask questions.
"You'll be fine, if you want you can hang back and I can speak to them, I can tell them about what's happening so they don't ask, or I can tell them to leave it alone and drop any thought of asking you questions." I knew they would ask questions if they weren't told, and I know how hard it is to admit to people that you have an issue.
"I'll tell them, they deserve to know, and it might help me to get it out in the open." He sounded determined to help himself, which was a good sign because of he was willing to get better, it would happen quicker. I have him a nod of approval to give him more confidence for what he was about to do. We got out the car and walked in and up to the bullpen, everyone looked confused to see Antonio up here, and acting nervous and shy, they hadn't seen this side to him. I told him to wait in the locker room for a minute, he did so.
"Leave him alone for now, he has something to tell you in a minute, but give him space for now." I say before walking into Voight's office and closing the door behind me.
"Hey boss, Antonio going to tell everyone what's been going on, just be out there, please, he doesn't know that you know." He nods, so I knew he would do as I asked, he knew what it was like seeing someone go through it because he was the one who helped me through it. I went to get Antonio and make sure he was still up to telling everyone himself.
"Hey, Antonio, are you sure you want to tell everyone yourself." I asked.
"I'm sure." I could tell he wasn't going to budge, so we walked back to the bullpen.
"Guys, Antonio's got something to say." I tell them, so they all shut up.
"Ermm ... I know you're all probably wondering what happened the other day. The case was just too hard and I've been struggling lately, with everything. I started to ... erm ... to ... I guess it's easier to just show you." He said, I was surprised by that, and when he rolled up his sleeves I was even more surprised, his arms were covered in scars and healing cuts. Everyone was surprised by it, they all looked shocked and ashamed or embarrassed of themselves for not seeing that he'd spiralled so far without any of us knowing. He rolled down his sleeves, uncomfortable with his arms being out for any longer. He just walked and sat down at his desk, head hanging down supported by his hands, which covered his eyes. Everyone was silently looking at each other, until one by one they all got back to work, I did eventually as well. Antonio had his head buried in paperwork so he could catch up on the case, I didn't know if it was a good decision to let him work the case still. I walked to his desk to ask him that.
"Are you sure you wanna work the case?" I didn't want a replay of what happened two days ago.

I know this is full of so much emotion, but this is a way for me to cope, and carry on writing stories without much inspiration. Please feel free to give me ideas and suggestions. Hope you have a nice day x