In Her Time Of Need

Part 2

I'm not putting the warnings, this whole story will have mentions of subjects that may make you uncomfortable, is so know you are reading at your own risk.
Story will be in Valerie's pov, unless stated otherwise.

Part 2

We arrived to the last known location of the babysitter, but with no description to go off we are flying blind, I was going to guess she wasn't here anymore until one woman looked round, saw us and ran. I was then convinced it was her. Antonio caught her easy, within 30 seconds, he put the cuffs on her and walked her back to the car.
"Why did you run?" I asked in a tone that demanded an answer, Antonio looked at me like I had two heads, I probably just sounded really angry, I felt her shake in my grip.
"I left Cassia alone in the house, for like two hours." She said, she sounded like she was sky high. I looked at her pupils, pinpoint, she was high.
"What drugs have you taken?" I asked, not knowing if she could be trippy.
"Some 'H'." She replied, she was being very honest for a druggie talking to an officer, normally they lie their heads off.
"Honest, nice, now your gonna detox and feel the effects of withdrawal and you won't like it one bit." I said like a real bitch. I was pissed off as I thought of what happened to that girl. We got her in the car and started to drive back to the district.
"Hey, you sure you're alright, not too involved in this case, not making innocents suffer because you relate and are pissed off." I was totally pissed off now, so I just looked away from him and out the window, not bothering to answer. I was silently crying, I didn't want Antonio to feel bad, but he made me feel like crap and made my mood drop drastically. I could feel the beginning of a relapse creeping in, I tried to keep any bad thoughts out my head, but it didn't work. I had images of me falling from a building and feeling free. I shook my head to get rid of these images, I thought of something else, the fact that I wanted a puppy so I wasn't alone in my apartment. We got back to the district and I got out the car and slammed the door, not feeling like facing Antonio right now, he can deal with the babysitter, get her processed and down to interrogation. I walked in, went to talk to Platt, the front desk Sergeant, but decided to go to the break room near the stairs. I slammed the door and just broke down. I needed them to care, not to think that I'm a bitch, I got up, walked up the stairs to the bullpen, tugged on Jay's shirt slightly so he knew to follow and carried on walking to the locker room. I walked to the far wall sat down and cried, I heard Jay walk over and sit next to me, he pulled my head to his chest, his heartbeat was peaceful. He stayed silent, he knew how to deal with this, he was waiting for me to open up on my own, which was nice, not being pushed.
"I'm such a fucking bitch, I got Antonio to open up on our way to the store, then on the way back, he had said something tiny and I acted like a total bitch. He probably hates me now." I said through the tears. I was calming down though, from listening to the rhythm of Jay's heartbeat, it was soothing.
"Antonio won't hate you, he's the most forgiving person you'll meet, go out there, pull him aside and talk to him. It'll be fine." He said, I don't know why, but I believed him, so I stood up and walked out the locker room. Went to Antonio's desk, tapped his desk slightly and beckoned him to follow me to the breakroom, I stood up against the counter, he walked in and closed the door.
"I'm sorry that I acted like such a bitch, you were just trying to make sure I was alright. It's just, I don't know, certain stuff just pisses me off for no reason. I just had to say sorry." I said and looked down. I heard footsteps, I assumed they were walking away until they got louder, then Antonio was stood next to me and had pulled my head to his chest, which was easy because he was quite a bit taller than me. He rested his chin on top of my head.
"It's okay, I shouldn't have pushed like that. I was also wondering if we could still talk." He said, I then remembered that I promised we could talk.
"Yeah, you don't have to talk about anything that you don't want to, I won't push you." I said, I'd acted as psychiatrist before, so I knew how to talk to someone who was having problems.
"Well, I just ... err ... this is hard to admit, feel like throwing myself off a building right now. I just hate myself, my life, I have nothing anymore." He said, he was trying not to tear up again, I could hear it. I knew his type, don't cry, act tough, but that makes it so much worse because no-one can help and no-one realises what's happening until you break.
"No-one has nothing to live for, trust me on that one, the future always holds good things. I didn't think I'd ever get away from New York, away from what was happening, you'll have something good soon, and these people out there, they are your family, they care about you. They would miss you so much." I said, I could feel walls crumbling, as my head was still to his chest, he was shaking but trying to keep all the walls up.
"It's okay to cry." I told him, and at that he broke. He was fully crying now. I sat him down on a chair, hugging him. I whispered comforts to him, but let him cry it out, there was one thing I knew, he wasn't calming down, anytime soon.