I hear a small scream erupt form her lips as she continues to walk as well, not even bothering to catch up with me. "Your infuriating, you know that? Your so bundled up in this blanket of pity that you can't see anyone but yourself and your needs. We've all got problems too, you know. And you just make everything worse." I try not to flinch at her words. They hit home, more than she probably realises or expects them to. I am selfish. I'm too selfish to care that I'm selfish, or do anything about it. I just want to ignore everything and pretend I have no emotions.

But something about her words cause a reaction inside of me, a feeling that I've been trying to suppress ever since that day.

Guilt.

When was the last time I spoke to my little sister? Properly spoke to her, about her school work, her friends, her life? I realise that I don't know. I can't remember. And I feel extremely guilty for it. And that is an emotion that I don't want to feel.

I resent my sister slightly, for having the nerve to confront, to talk about touchy subjects, for making me feel. I want to turn around and start on her, then give her a hug and cry on her shoulder, spilling out everything. But I don't. I just keep walking away, like I always do. Away from her, away from my emotions, away from my life. 

Finally we reach the bus stop, where a couple of other kids form our school are standing. they stare at me as if I am a rare species of bird that can only be seen once in a millennia. They immediately start whispering and shooting looks at me, as if I cannot see them, or here them. I know that my story is well known around the school, and that I have basically become a recluse, but there is no need to be rude. So I decide to stare them down.

The two people look terrified and immediately look away with embarrassment and I stand there, feeling satisfied and suitably alone. But then I here the voice in my ear. 

"Having fun?" I jump causing the two nosy people to turn back around and stare again. I nothing short of glare at them and they look away again hurriedly. I slowly turn my head so as to see who spoke, even though I know exactly who it was.

My suspicions are confirmed as I see her lounging happily on the seat of the bus shelter behind me, looking at me curiously.

"When are you going to stop pretending Joanna?" she asks me harshly. "What are you doing here? Go home. And stay there. This plan is not going to work." She glares at me. The hatred she feels for me is so obvious that I'm surprised I have not started burning up because of the heat of it.

She continues to stare me down and I swallow uncomfortably and loudly. My palms have started to sweat and I can feel my throat starting to close. I desperately don't want to have a panic attack. that would be a disaster, my day ended before it had truly even started.

She continues to stare at me and I can feel my head beginning to get woozy and light. I know in a few seconds that I'm going to either curl up in a ball in the foetal position, screaming, or keel over in a dead faint. I silently hope it is the latter.

I feel a hand on my arm, and I yelp, turning to see Jenny staring at me weirdly and looking over my shoulder embarrassed. I turn and see the two idiots from earlier walking towards us, not bothering to hide their stares. I here her laughing behind me.

Jenny turns back to me. "The bus is here Jo." I turn back and look beyond the two people to where the bus is making it's way over to where we are standing. Jenny looks at me one last time before turning and walking away towards the bus.

I start over there too, but not before she speaks to me one last time.

"Your really pathetic you know, Jo." My step falters slightly and I almost do not make it to the bus stop, every nerve in my body screaming at me to get the hell away form her, away form her. But I make it.

Because I can't let her win.

I end up last in the queue for the bus. I stand and hope that there will be a seat on the bus for me to sit alone in. The last thing I want is to have to sit next to some weirdo who kept staring at me.

Finally it is my turn to get on the bus. I am just about to walk on past the bus driver, but he stops me. "Hey," he says gruffly. He raises an eyebrow. "Are you new?" I look at him for several seconds, not really understanding. Just as he is about to ask again, I respond.

"No," I say, looking at him perplexed. He frowns at me.

"May I see your bus pass," he says. I open my bag, rummaging around in it for my bus pass. I can feel the eyes of the people on the bus boring into me and my face flushes. I finally find it and hand it over to him with a shaking hand. He takes it off me and looks at it closely. I watch him, my eye starting to twitch with stress. I just want to sit down and forget about everything.

Suddenly, his eyes widen and he hands the pass back to me. "Your Johanna Prescott?" he asks incredulously. I nod tentatively. "You haven't got the bus for ages. I'm sorry I didn't recognise you." I shrug and run away down the bus, shoving me bus pass back into my bag. I raise my eyes briefly, scanning the bus for a seat, and my eyes make contact with someone I really didn't want to see.

Sam Riley is staring at me intently. When I meet his eyes, they spark, with something that looks too much like hope for my liking. He sits up in his seat slightly and he opens his mouth as if to speak to me. I remember that promise I made him so long ago. And I know I have to avoid him today at all costs.

Suddenly I realise that I was standing stock still in the middle of the bus, and when the bus lurches into first and drives off, I nearly fall over. Sam looks like he is about to get up and drag me over to sit next him so I quickly find a seat and huddle against the window, settling there for the ride to school.

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: Aug 16, 2013 ⏰

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