As I laid staring up at the ceiling in the dark I reached for my phone for the millionth time, I braced for the bright light of the screen. Noticing it was already two in the morning I dropped my phone on my chest letting out a huff of frustration. Picking it back up and rolling to my side I decided I may as well read a few more chapters of the book I was reading on my phone if sleep wouldn't take me.
"Just one more chapter" I whispered to myself. I fell into the comforting embrace of my imagination creating the images of the story I was intently reading.
I didn't notice I had fallen asleep till a thud from the direction of my window jerked me out of my dreams making me drop my phone that was still lightly cradled in my hand as I slept. My eyes shot open and began darting around the room, too scared to move any other part of my body. My heart was hammering in my chest. I was sure it was visible like when a budgie was afraid.
Anxiety was rushing through my body making me suddenly feel hot. I strained my ears searching for any hints as to what had awoken me.
I lay in the same spot for what felt like hours, all my muscles tensed, too scared to breathe too loud or even blink. After not hearing anything I finally felt my muscles start to relax as a few tears streamed silently down my face soaking into my hair and pillow.
This was almost a nightly routine with how severe my anxiety had gotten.
Everyone always asked how or why I had anxiety as bad as it was and honestly I didn't have an answer. The closest way to accurately explain how my mind worked was that i was under constant attack from thoughts turning a simple noise into a million different scenarios of impending doom.
I wiped my face and slowly sat up in my bed hugging my soft white blanket to my chest and pushing myself to the side of the bed that was against the wall, feeling the cool surface pressed against my back I started taking deep breaths attempting to slow my pounding heart. Looking around my room I felt comfort in seeing my petite space noticing everything was as it should be. The white walls standing out even in the darkness of night. My wardrobe to one side of the room with clothes messily leaking out onto the dark hardwood floors. The lone wooden nightstand next to the other side of my bed with varying sized and shaped bottles of perfume. I reached over to the table and switched on the small lamp that stood upon it. It bathed my room in a yellowish glow easing me a little bit more.
When I was calm I slowly slid off my bed and made my way to the kitchen. Walking down the dark hallway was always the worst. As it lead into the open space of the kitchen, dining and living area it created a terrifying illusion of walking into nothingness.
Reaching the kitchen i quickly flicked on the light and walked to the kitchen sink and turned the cold tap on. As i rested my forearms on the sink I draped my hands under the tap, enjoying the feeling of the icy liquid streaming through my fingers seemingly cooling my anxiety.
I splashed a little on my face then cupped my hands to collect some and drank it down greedily.
Feeling calmer I felt my body grow heavy after the the rush of adrenaline that comes with panic attacks, and slowly dragged myself back to my room. I climbed back into bed I finally felt the familiar feeling of sleep dragging me down. I happily let go and let it take me.
Waking the next morning I realised that I should of been finishing the book I started as my boss had already tried ringing me three times the previous day. I was too scared to answer because then I would have to explain that, no, I haven't written any more then the last time he had checked. I was stuck like many times before trying to write some action and conflict into my story. It's hard when you live a very mediocre life and nothing exciting ever happens to you. How could I possibly come up with something to keep readers interested when the most interesting thing to happen me was when I won a spelling bee in my fifth year of school.
I could feel a headache coming on so I grabbed my water bottle and flopped onto the lounge. After taking a long drink I tuned to the table next to me gazing at my black baccara rose. The dazzling black and blood red delicate petals drinking in the sunlight from the window behind it. Noticing the dry soil I poured a little of my water into the pot plant. As long as I can remember I've loved having plants around me. As a child I was always outside and barefoot loving the earthy smell of the grass and soil invading my senses.
Letting one of the leaves balance delicately on my finger I studied the fine detail. I love how precise nature's design is. Almost as if small fairy like creatures carved every last line and intricate swirl.
"FAIRIES!!!" I yelled out loud. Scrambling to my feet I bolted to my bedroom to get my laptop. I typed furiously trying to write everything before the idea evaporated.
2 hours later and I was finished with the newest chapter in my book and had sent it off to my boss awaiting his criticism. I sat on the edge of my bed absentmindedly chewing on my finger nail and jiggling my leg anxiously awaiting his response.
A small dinging noise alerted me to a new email. I took shaky breath before clicking open.
Ryder,
You're late!
Also how the hell did you think of getting captured by evil fairies!? Brilliant!
I expect the next chapter in a month.
Charles.D.Johnson
Jumping for joy I did a little happy dance on the spot before deciding that with tonight being a Friday I would go out to celebrate. Besides it had been a while since I drank and missed that familiar warm buzz of electricity that it had.
Slipping into my tight black dress I looked in the mirror, my parents would definitely not approve of this. It gave a sliming look clinging to all of my curves with slits along the ribs on both sides showing just the right amount of skin. My hazel eyes that were normally to dark to distinguish the colour, now stood out from the black of the dress and my hair. The dress went all the way up the neck with another slit straight down my clevage. Noticing that with my short stature I looked like a kid playing dress up. I decided to add a pair of black heels with a buckle on the side. To finish my look I put a light touch of makeup and added some curls to my sleek raven hair letting them tumble down my back in waves, all the way down to my waist. A did a quick twirl flattening any wrinkles in my dress till I was finally satisfied and smiled at myself before hurrying out the door.
I don't know how I had forgotten that I actually hate going to clubs but I was ready to leave after only being here for half an hour. The music was too loud and i felt old being 25 and hanging around all these 18 year olds. Slipping through the crowds of people I slowly made me way out the back to the smokers section. I was supposed to have quit already but one couldn't hurt right?
As i light the cigarette i got the intense head rush that I had forgotten about. I tilted my head backwards as I exhaled and watched the smoke swirl lazily upwards. As I tilted my head back down I noticed someone staring at me. I quickly looked away. Not wanting to be approached I moved to a secluded corner while I finished smoking.
I got about halfway home before I started feeling anxious. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. "It's just your mind playing tricks. No one is following you. " I kept repeating over and over in my head to try to calm down. As I rounded one of the last corners before my house I noticed the reflection of a figure behind me in a glass store window.
Ok. Maybe this once my anxiety was right...
Would love feedback (be gentle I'm learning ha) and votes if you enjoyed this. I'll try to post new chapters when I can.
- Book Bish out ✌🏻
