everything i wanted

Prologue

lucy's pov:

'Dear Sarah,

I want to thank you for always being there for me. For caring about me. For not judging me. You are one of the few people I can trust. But i never told you my biggest secret, I never told you that i'm not okay. You used to ask me every day, and i always put on a big fake smile and tell you that i'm fine. But i'm not. And I havened been for months. But i couldn't tell you, I didn't want to worry you. But it doesn't matter anymore, it's too late. I don't want to be alive anymore. I'm just so tired of everything. Tired of lying. Tired of feeling empty. Tired of pretending. Tired of being alone. But most of all, i'm just tired of being tired. Which is why i'm writing this letter. You were one of the few things that kept me alive, but i've decided that it's better if i'm not here anymore. In the summer you asked me multiple times why I was always wearing long sleeves, and why I never wanted to go swimming with you. I didn't want to tell you, but it doesn't matter anymore. I cut myself, my arms are covered in scars and cuts. I never told anyone, because I was scared. Scared of how people would react. Scared of what people would do. I know how horrible humans are. And I didn't want them to stop me from cutting. If you're wondering why I used to buy pencil sharpeners so often, this is the reason. I take the blade out of the sharpener and use it to cut myself. Also, could you make sure that my playlist on Spotify is played at my funeral, the playlist is called Death. I'm going to end this letter now,  I don't want to bore you with my annoying thoughts.

Goodbye.'

I put the letter that i wrote for Sarah on the table downstairs, and i walk to the bathroom. I grab some pills while the bathtub is filling up with water. I grab a new pencil sharpener and a screwdriver to get the blade out of it. I start my playlist on Spotify, and I hear the intro of the song Everything I wanted. Which is kind of ironic, because now I'm getting everything I wanted. I hear someone downstairs. Fuck. That means my mom is home. I lock the bathroom door and I take all of the pills. Then I get the blade and i slit my wrists. I hear my mom running upstairs while crying and screaming. She saw the letter. I hear her trying to open the door but I locked it. She kicks down the door, but it doesn't matter. I feel myself slipping away, I feel peaceful.