Double Sided

Chapter 1

We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright

We wake up, we go out
Smoke a fag, put it out
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright

Music blared from my turntable as soon as I dialed the volume up. I didn't bother taking out the album I was listening to last night, so I just continued to listen to whatever track it stopped on when I turned it off. The Supergrass is an alright band, I guess. On occasions, like today, I would listen to their 1995 Album I Should Coco; it's not too heavy and it's got the right alternative feel to it. 

 As I was getting changed and ready to leave for school up in the goddamn mountains, I ran through my schedule inside my head. It's Wednesday, which means I only have an hour lecture of history. Afterwards, I'd go through roughly a forty-five minute commute to meet up with Myles at Metropolis. Sometime ago, Myles and I agreed that we'd hang out every Wednesday, and we have been since then. The both of us just usually end up at his house and watch a variety of films (most of them he has seen already) until it was time for me to go home. 

We made a list of movies that we thought we should watch together. I, of course, made a separate list for horror movies. So far, it's becoming a never ending list because whenever we'd tick off a movie, one of us will add another one shortly after. I don't think we'll ever finish this list, I said to him one night, to which he responded with, we'll have the rest of our lives to work through it. He was committed like that.

It's been six months and a half since Myles and I started seeing each other. Five months of which I kept him a secret from my parents. They, especially my mom, freaked out when I finally told them (having grown up in a strict and religious household themselves, they had high expectations from me). It took her a couple of days to recover from her otherworldly, satanic possession and calm down. In the end, both of my parents halfheartedly approved of my relationship with Myles. Although, I didn't get off the hook that easily because they established some new rules I should follow and respect. Sparing the details and to cut to present day, I've completely disregarded them. 

I am convinced that parents, or at least mine, are bipolar. I was angry with my mom and dad for not being able to understand me, but, in the end, I would always feel guilty because of everything they've done for me thus far. I know that they love me unconditionally, but it wasn't reciprocated. I often find myself playing Russian Roulette whenever I spark up a conversation with them. I start not knowing where or how it will end. Ever since I began seeing Myles, talking to my parents in general felt a lot like tip toeing through shards of broken glass. It gets my heart beating faster and my anxiety would hike up to a frightening extent. I guess, to put it much simply, my relationship with my parents is like drywall - not very strong. 

For as long as I can remember, thoughts about moving out and getting a job would always occupy my head, but recently it had become my central thought on a daily basis. I felt suffocated under my parent's authoritarian regime (it seemed like). I hated coming home and I avoided any form of contact with them as much as I could. On a typical day, the family doesn't eat dinner together, but sometimes when my mom was home and not working, we would be forced to have dinner face to face. Dinner with my family was almost like a play; I could perfectly rehearse how it would go inside my head, down to the dialogue. 

How is school?

Good.

Having difficulty in any of your subjects?

No.

*Utter silence*

My mother is kind and hard working, but also prideful and quick to anger. I hated her most of the time, but it wasn't a deep or sour hatred because how can I hate my own mother? Before finding out about Myles, she was very kind to me. We started texting and saying I love you to each other. I would pick her up from work and I'd offer to go grocery shopping together. We would no longer have small talks, instead we bonded and even gossiped. I thought it was too good to be true. It was the kind of relationship I've always dreamed of having with my own mother. Of course, as I expected, all of the progress we've had crumbled to the ground after her freak episode. Her force had to be reckoned with. She had to know about Myles. He was someone important to me and my mother couldn't understand that.

After I finished applying vanilla bean flavored lip balm on my rather dry lips, I stood in front of my bedroom wall mirror and smiled for the first time this week. I'm looking forward for today. After all, I get to see Myles.

Are we like you?
I can't be sure
Of the scene, as she turns
We are strange, in our worlds

But we are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See our friends, see the sights
Feel alright

The song ended and I turned my turntable off.