Arsen

Existential Freakouts

Arden's dying

I never really talked to Arsen that much. He was the kind of person who everyone knew about and was mentally staring at. But not many people talked to him, including me. I suppose that since he had cancer, we got scared of having a greater chance of losing a friend. And none of us wanted to talk about cancer. I wish I could be the person that said "ah, Arsen. I knew him well," but unfortunately that is not the case. I followed the masses and generally ignored him. He had thinning, balding, gray hair. Gosh, I'm sounding like he's already dead. He's not, he just probably will be within the next month or two. He usually wears a blue dad hat. Can't remember if it's Red Sox or not. I think he had cancer in his hip. I couldn't tell if he was optimistic or not, as I said before I didn't talk to him. I'd like to hope that he was. I remember once he talked about participating in a clinical trial and that he was nervous and excited about it. I was intrigued and a little bit excited. I guess because I wasn't the one taking the medicine. I wonder when the last time I saw him was? I don't think he's ready to die. I would be surprised if anyone had accepted the inevitability of death at 18. I haven't, so I'm not ready for him to die either. I think I finally understand why people pray now- it's because you don't think you can do anything. Praying is pretty unproductive but when there's nothing else you can do I suppose it's the most productive thing you can do. I'm in a bit of a predicament right now. I have his phone number but I don't know if he has the strength to respond of if he would just be pissed that the only time I've reached out was when he was on his deathbed. I want to send a Sonic meme but thinking about it it's either a great idea or a terrible idea. I won't do it. I'm going to wish on my 6 leaf clover that he survives and beats his cancer. Haha- Rachel you just prayed.